Wednesday, November 29, 2006

The opposite sex can be strange at times, but not as strange as turtle owners

Well I realise I am running the risk of this blog being entirely about my love life and there are far more interesting things to talk about than just that. However, I feel I should note my moderately good news.

The Man and I finally talked and the following occurred:

  • he said he had been monogamous since we have been together, he was depressed about having to tell the other girl as he had been seeing her casually for about a year and that had not been in contact with her since I asked him about all of this. He said he was bad at this sort of thing generally and had avoided it in the past as he had always been the dumpee rather than the dumper. He said he felt a bit as if I was pressuring him although he knew that made no sense as he thought I was more than entitled to expect him to deal with this;
  • he said I might have noticed that he had been a little stand-offish with me at times (yup I had). He said that this was because he had cared for me and fancied me a lot for a very long time and then a few years ago decided he had to stop thinking about me and put me out of his life and accept that nothing would happen. Recent developments had left him a bit stunned and he was still trying to get his mind around accommodating what was happening. He said that normally this should be easy, but that it wasn't yet and he just hadn't had time to process it all;
  • he said he was very stressed at work as everything he was doing each day was challenging, he wasn't sleeping much and he felt generally a bit unsettled which didn't help;
  • he had overcompensated for a very bad breakup by closing himself off and restricting his emotions, and he needed to let go again and open up;
  • he said he cared for me, I shouldn't doubt his feelings, he wasn't using me and I didn't have to do anything except be fabulous, confident and happy, not worry or be jealous and he would deal with his issues.

I told him I wasn't asking for any commitment in time and I didn't know what might happen in three or six months, but that right now I worried about trusting him. He told me that he wouldn't give me any reason not to trust him.

I think the poor lad is a tad scared and overwhelmed, and when it comes to the other girl he is being cowardly. Our timing has always been a bit odd, and so it is now too. I can however understand how he might be a bit confused, as I had been telling him I wasn't at all interested in a relationship even when he argued his case strenuously. It was a big deal for me to admit to myself that I was falling for him, so he is entitled to a bit of time.

So what can a girl do. I really really do care for him so I am going to take him on face value, treat him well, expect the same from him, respect that he has been honest with me about his feelings and just take things as they come. The best part might be simply that I can just love him and that makes me feel good. I'm not talking that simpering, spoil him rotten and cook for him sort of stuff. I am after all a feminist who deserves a good deal from her man and sets her standards high. But I do care for him so I think I will just enjoy showing him that. I suggested a weekend away where we could sleep in, kiss and um er..., read the weekend papers, talk, not talk, laze around and just relax and be together to get used to all of this. He certainly agreed to that.

Now, on a more important topic, I checked into turtle ownership. I had visions of coming home at the end of a busy day to see little Skipperdee the turtle, his or her little neck poking out in anticipation. I could see myself polishing his or her shell whilst downing my gin and tonic. Skipperdee and I would grow old together, and he or she would seem to acquire a Yoda-like wise glance, which I would place great store in. I did foresee there could be problems if I stood on Skipperdee with high heels on, but it turns out that would be the least of my issues.

According to the good folks at http://www.petturtle.com/, "Too many people buy turtles for the novelty effect, and end up neglecting them." I would need a turtle tank of at least 40 gallons with both a land and a water area, and with the ability to change the temperature between day and night. Skipperdee would need spring water rather than tap water, and would also need a basking lamp (don't we all need one of those!). I would be advised not to "take the turtle out of its tank to show it off or play with it. These sudden changes in temperature can affect the immune system of reptiles, since they are cold-blooded animals and take longer to adjust to the changes. " Not quite sure how that fits with the requirement to "stay attentive to your turtle's behavior, and take care of it as you would take care of any other pet." I guess hours of turtle gazing and no shell polishing would be required.

Suddenly, my fantasy life with Skipperdee was looking less rosy. A quick scan of the photos of turtle people turned me off completely:




So, Skipperdee and I are not to be.

On another entirely unrelated note, our new quasi-work experience student person who has seemed very shy came up to me today at work and told me she had to tell me just how much she loved my shoes. I am predicting great things for her!

14 comments:

meva said...

Maybe 'the man' can get the turtle shell tattoo? No?

Lovely post. I'm glad to see you so happy again.

M said...

I'm glad things are looking up with the man :)

I wish someone would adopt ME and supply me with a land and wet area and tanning bed!! Turtles have all the luck!

Ms Smack said...

hi. New reader here :)

Regarding the new man, I would suggest no nookie or 'having cake and eating it too' until he's made a firm phonecall to the other girl in your presence.

He's either INTO YOU, or he's not.

I would further suggest that you back off, and help him with this decision. The way you do this, is to remove yourself from his life. No sms', no email, no nothing. He needs to know what its like without you in his life... to inspire that phonecall to the other girl. How can he miss you when you're always there? Give him some incentive... dont lay it out on a platter.

I'm sorry for her too. He shouldnt have touched you while he was with her.

Goodluck, Please keep us posted...

redcap said...

Whatever you decide with the boy, good luck :)

The turtle tale was hilarious, though. I'm not surprised you were put off by people who lick terapins.

Come Back Brighter said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Good news on the man! Shame about the turtles -- who knew they were so needy?

Ms Batville said...

Thanks all and welcome to ms smack and jay.

meva - Not sure about the tattoo. I wonder if he got veins drawn on his neck too.

M - I am with you. A basking lamp, spring water and my own tank sound just pretty damn good.

Ms Smack - I like your advice. I have been adopting this thinking for the last little while and it seriously spooked him. I think for now though I will lay off any ultimatium. I am going to take a chance here and expect him to do the right thing. I'm doing this because he has been a friend for so long, and because he has asked me to trust him. We had a long talk about all sorts of things - vulnerabilities, traits, fears, what could happen to our frienship if this doesn't work out, what we like about one another and what we are not sure of. I'm going to put myself out a bit and give him the benefit of the doubt, not because it is easy but because I think he really needs to feel secure about my feelings for him. It is a risk and I am normally very risk averse. So this could all end in tears, at which point I will try not to whinge too much.

Redcap - Thanks. I fear that licking a terrapin might be the closest that young lad gets to physical contact with another live thing.

jay - Yes it is a shame. My quest for an appropriate non-needy pet continues. Unfortunately I'm not a cat girl.

Food Kitty said...

I cannot believe you are not a cat girl. Please try. I most often find that shoes and siamese cats are entwined passions; they share the same tiny genone on our DNA.

Snoskred said...

A Greyhound? ;) I like them, I'd get one if I didn't have two cats..

Ariel said...

I'm not a cat person either. Just can't do it. Glad I'm not alone in the blogosphere on that.

Good news re. the man. Sometimes you have to take a chance and go with your gut feeling - sounds like this is one of those times. Sometimes men (and maybe people in general) just need a serious wake-up call to sort out their priorities.

Keep one eye open, but I say go for it.

I love a good eternal-crush-come-good story ...

redcap said...

I fear goldfish might be your only hope, Ms B. Don't bother with Siamese fighters, though - they just float around looking dead all the time. Complete waste of effort.

And cats are needy too. Mine's been in a filthy temper for days. I have the scratches to prove it.

Susanne said...

I love relationship posts! My whole blog would be about relationships if my blog was anonymous.

I had a similar thing happen with my ex. It took us ages to admit we did really like each other and that we would be 'exclusive'. It can be scary making things official.

I'd say just go with the flow for now. Sounds like you've laid your cards on the table. Let him get used to the idea, and I'm sure he'll come 'round. :)

Ms Batville said...

Thanks Susanne. Things are coming along quite nicely. He has admitted to being a bit freaked out so I told him we should just focus on enjoying ourselves and being together without worrying about other people's expectations (our friends for example) or what might come in the future. Since that chat it has been great.

Watershedd said...

Great news, Ms. B. Sorry I've not been to visit lately - had a few of my own issues to deal with a couldn't bring myself to comment. Hope you and your man have a lovely Christmas.