Unaustrayan

Is it wrong to be bored stupid by the 'Lympics?

Do I risk losing my citizenship because I don't care whether a bunch of over-subsidised fit people can undertake some specialised physical act better, faster or with less chance of failing a drug test than a bunch of other over-subsidised fit people?

No Roulettes, but plenty of fun (but not if you are a Swans supporter)

Well the AFL Grand Final has come and gone. I am devasted to report that there was no Ms Batville viewing of the RAAF Roulettes which is so sad I have taken a whole week to recover. Almost as bad was that John Paul Young did not sing "Love is in the Air" instead choosing "Yesterday's Heroes" which was a very strange choice given he was sharing a stage with Brian Mannix.

Highlight of the pre-game entertainment was not Irene Cara although she tried hard, but rather Sean Kelly (Models) snarling his way through "I hear motion". I had a HUGE crush on that man in 1986 and it haunts me still. Why Wendy Matthews left him is beyond me. He still has that rock star charisma, unlike his fellow band-mate poor old James Freud who is looking a tad corpulent these days.

Commiserations for all those Sydney fans. A one point is a hard thing to stomach. Always sad to see the post-game heartbreak, it is usually the closest thing some Australian men come to letting out their emotions. Thanks anyway for pouring your tourist dollars into Melbourne when nursing your thoughts over a few beers.

It is that one day in September...

So it is Grand Final day in Melbourne and there is that fever in the air (which is as yet imperceptible to me as I haven't left the house). My day will start soon with a post-hangover breakfast somewhere where I don't have to be nice to anyone, followeed by a short period of "walking in the fresh air" recovery and then catching up with a friend who is borrowing stuff from me for a big GF BBQ. I'll drop into said BBQ for a short time and then onto the 'G. According to the AFL, the day will go something like this:

1. 10am TAC Cup Grand Final (Ms Batvillle care factor of -1)
2. 12.50am Red Berets parachute into MCG, delivering match-day footballs (Whatever)
3. 1pm Teams warm-up (Will be entering the ground about now)
4. 1.25pm Irene Cara performs What a Feeling (How embarrassing for her - bet she never thought her career would take her to this place)
5. 1.29pm Australian Idol finalists perform Waltzing Matilda (Love the song esp when performed at big public gatherings but not sure about Idol - personally would prefer Hugh Jackman, in tight pans, shirtless etc etc - you get the idea)
6. (Surely the RAAF Roulettes have to appear about now - I didn't pay $80 for a ticket to actually watch two non-Victorian clubs play if the Roulettes don't appear)
7. 1.36pm Motorcade of AFL greats, retirees and 2006 award winners as the Young Divas perform You’re the Inspiration (Song sounds awful but love this bit - clap on the old gents of yesterday and laugh as some recently retired bogans get a huge clap while they silently thank their club for paying out their sexual haharassment claims so they can start their landscaping business unencumbered)
8. 1.42pm Club songs performed by Melbourne Gospel Choir (Thank god we don't have to listen to that Port Power song this year - would slit my wrists)
9. 1.46pm Australian rock legends perform medley of hits (OMG - John Paul Young - YAH, YAH, YAH. Ms Batville will sing heartily along to Up there Cazaly to prove she is a real Victorian!)
10. 2.16pm Umpires enter the arena (Goldspink is umpiring - WTF?)
11. 2.27pm Australian rock legends perform Advance Australia Fair (Love this bit)
12. 2.28pm Coin toss
13. 2.30pm 2006 Toyota AFL Grand Final (Hope it is a good one - if not will nick off early and go back to the BBQ)

Hope your team wins and that you have a good one.