Wednesday, November 29, 2006

The opposite sex can be strange at times, but not as strange as turtle owners

Well I realise I am running the risk of this blog being entirely about my love life and there are far more interesting things to talk about than just that. However, I feel I should note my moderately good news.

The Man and I finally talked and the following occurred:

  • he said he had been monogamous since we have been together, he was depressed about having to tell the other girl as he had been seeing her casually for about a year and that had not been in contact with her since I asked him about all of this. He said he was bad at this sort of thing generally and had avoided it in the past as he had always been the dumpee rather than the dumper. He said he felt a bit as if I was pressuring him although he knew that made no sense as he thought I was more than entitled to expect him to deal with this;
  • he said I might have noticed that he had been a little stand-offish with me at times (yup I had). He said that this was because he had cared for me and fancied me a lot for a very long time and then a few years ago decided he had to stop thinking about me and put me out of his life and accept that nothing would happen. Recent developments had left him a bit stunned and he was still trying to get his mind around accommodating what was happening. He said that normally this should be easy, but that it wasn't yet and he just hadn't had time to process it all;
  • he said he was very stressed at work as everything he was doing each day was challenging, he wasn't sleeping much and he felt generally a bit unsettled which didn't help;
  • he had overcompensated for a very bad breakup by closing himself off and restricting his emotions, and he needed to let go again and open up;
  • he said he cared for me, I shouldn't doubt his feelings, he wasn't using me and I didn't have to do anything except be fabulous, confident and happy, not worry or be jealous and he would deal with his issues.

I told him I wasn't asking for any commitment in time and I didn't know what might happen in three or six months, but that right now I worried about trusting him. He told me that he wouldn't give me any reason not to trust him.

I think the poor lad is a tad scared and overwhelmed, and when it comes to the other girl he is being cowardly. Our timing has always been a bit odd, and so it is now too. I can however understand how he might be a bit confused, as I had been telling him I wasn't at all interested in a relationship even when he argued his case strenuously. It was a big deal for me to admit to myself that I was falling for him, so he is entitled to a bit of time.

So what can a girl do. I really really do care for him so I am going to take him on face value, treat him well, expect the same from him, respect that he has been honest with me about his feelings and just take things as they come. The best part might be simply that I can just love him and that makes me feel good. I'm not talking that simpering, spoil him rotten and cook for him sort of stuff. I am after all a feminist who deserves a good deal from her man and sets her standards high. But I do care for him so I think I will just enjoy showing him that. I suggested a weekend away where we could sleep in, kiss and um er..., read the weekend papers, talk, not talk, laze around and just relax and be together to get used to all of this. He certainly agreed to that.

Now, on a more important topic, I checked into turtle ownership. I had visions of coming home at the end of a busy day to see little Skipperdee the turtle, his or her little neck poking out in anticipation. I could see myself polishing his or her shell whilst downing my gin and tonic. Skipperdee and I would grow old together, and he or she would seem to acquire a Yoda-like wise glance, which I would place great store in. I did foresee there could be problems if I stood on Skipperdee with high heels on, but it turns out that would be the least of my issues.

According to the good folks at, "Too many people buy turtles for the novelty effect, and end up neglecting them." I would need a turtle tank of at least 40 gallons with both a land and a water area, and with the ability to change the temperature between day and night. Skipperdee would need spring water rather than tap water, and would also need a basking lamp (don't we all need one of those!). I would be advised not to "take the turtle out of its tank to show it off or play with it. These sudden changes in temperature can affect the immune system of reptiles, since they are cold-blooded animals and take longer to adjust to the changes. " Not quite sure how that fits with the requirement to "stay attentive to your turtle's behavior, and take care of it as you would take care of any other pet." I guess hours of turtle gazing and no shell polishing would be required.

Suddenly, my fantasy life with Skipperdee was looking less rosy. A quick scan of the photos of turtle people turned me off completely:

So, Skipperdee and I are not to be.

On another entirely unrelated note, our new quasi-work experience student person who has seemed very shy came up to me today at work and told me she had to tell me just how much she loved my shoes. I am predicting great things for her!