Stickler alert - Why "devine"?

I have been hoping that I will not turn into one of those grumpy types who wanders around with a texta in order to correct spelling and grammar in public signage, and who hassles shop assistants about matters outside their control. To my shame, I think I might be.

Yesterday I happened to be in the Bourke Street mall and I wandered past the lovely windows at David Jones with all the nice new autumn/winter clothes. Normally I love DJ's. The staff are usually helpful, the refit of their ground floor beauty area is lovely and you can hide away their in an air conditioned and artificially lit cocoon and mentally spend away your entire year's pay on products that you would probably never apply.

Featured in the shop in large posters was the beautiful "god I would love to hate her but really I just want to look like her" Megan Gale as part of DJ's makeup/beauty booklet . Leaving aside that the booklet appears to be inspired by and directly rip off the Mecca Cosmetica catalogue, it is full of tempting ideas and Megan looks stunning. I would upload a photo of the front cover but Blogger is conspiring against me. You can check it out here.

Spot anything? Part of it reads "Devine Goddess Flawless Face Luminous Glow". "Devine Goddess" is the name used as a brand of cosmetics by Napoleon Perdis, this man:

Now, Napoleon here might be a OK sort of guy if you want your makeup applied by George Michael. Personally, I think he is likely to be a complete tosser. According to his website "The Napoleon Perdis philosophy is not dictated by fashion - it's about celebrating and empowering your natural beauty with products that have built-in educators and pro-tips." I'm not sure what the built-in educators are, but I'm pretty sure his eye shadows do not come equipped with a set of Encyclopedia Britannica.And they sure as hell don't come equipped with a dictionary. What is "devine" anyway? I googled this and apart from one entry that suggested "devine" meant "a beautiful woman" (methinks Napoleon wrote that), it ain't a word. It sure as hell isn't a word according to the OED.

What is wrong with the traditional spelling? What did the first "i" in "devine" do to offend Napoleon? Maybe Napoleon's clientele (those who attend the Perdis Academy and those who spend their life on the Vogue Australia forums) can't spell "divine"?

It might be alright for Napoleon and his built-in educated women to misspell words, but I expect more from DJ's. This made me quite irrationally grumpy. Luckily for DJ's I didn't deface their posters.

In my grumpy mood I wandered over to Jurlique when I was met by a snobby bitch attendant who peered down her nose at me as I was something that crawled out from underneath an Australis counter. "Ha!" I thought, "I can have some fun".Pulling myself to my full height I glanced over to her with my best "I want to spend money" face. She half smiled and asked me if she could answer any questions about Jurlique. "Ha!" I thought as I prepared to ask her about Jurlique's $3.4 million dollar fine for resale price maintenance. Then it occurred to me that it would be a bit like hitting a pigeon, she would blink wildly but no expression would register and she might flap away.

So I felt cruel and, as such, slunk back out into the daylight where my aversion to pretentious makeup retailers, wankers called Napoleon and spelling errors could be washed away by the daylight.

Happy Belated New Year!!

Well hello all. It has been quite an absence from the blogosphere but no I have not fallen under a tram or one of those nasty Connex trains that does not stop. I have lots of posting and lots of reading to catch up on and I am looking forward to finding out what has been happening. I hope this finds you all well having survived the festive season and the whole New Year's Resolution breaking-guilt that invariably accompanies January.

As for a six week pause between posts, well honeybear has caught me out (see last post) with her very perceptive comment:

To follow on a well documented theme...PUT THAT BOY DOWN AND START BLOGGING AGAIN! Really, you've had six uninterrupted weeks of boy-bliss (or at least I hope so) and now it is time to get back to the rest of us and start talking again.HURRY....P.S. INC and Watershed agree with me!

I am ashamed to admit that, yes, I have become one of those women who forgo the things she loves for romance. It has been six weeks of boy...actually Man-bliss, well mostly bliss really. There has been lots of kissing and lots of "ahem...let's call it kissing" and eating at nice restaurants, seeing movies and sipping cocktails whilst talking to the early hours. Few blips along the way so I have been playing it cool and he has been paying lots of attention, and good attention it has been too. So 'The Man' is fine in every well and Ms Batville is a happy woman indeed. But that is not my sole excuse for my blogvoidance. Let me sum up the last six weeks:

• Pre-Christmas: Work functions, work, work, work, last minute shopping, messy house, nothing in the larder. Catch up with 'The Man' who still just wants to keep things undefined and play it 'by ear' as he is still a bit 'freaked out about the whole getting together thing'. Decide not to buy 'The Man' a Christmas present in order not to freak the poor lad further. The Man gives me a gorgeous Christmas present which is (a) stunning, (b) well thought out and (c) very expensive. I tell him 'Well, I did find you the perfect gift but you wanted to play it "by ear" so I thought I wouldn't get it for you'. He grins in response.

• Christmas - presents wrapped at 5am Christmas day, exhausted at family tree-present-opening thingie, exhausted at big hoopla lunch thingie, lack of traditonal Batville family 3pm nap due to arrival of hideous uninvited cousin and her horrible badspring, exhausted drive home and teary cry for no reason in bed alone on Christmas night.

• Post Christmas week - burning candle at both ends, initially lots of "ahem....kissing", lots of catching up with people in town for the week, almost running out of clean clothes, semi-meltdown in front of The Man due to lack of sleep and bad bad bad PMS. Have almost fight after finding out he bought a gift for the girl he was seeing. He says it is a goodbye gift given he broke up with her for me and it is 'the least he can do'. This combined with sleep deprivation and horrid PMS sends me almost over the edge until Mum Batville tells me to pull myself together. Later realise he has spent way less on her than on my Christmas present (and yes, I mean way less). The gift disappears from his place shortly after and not another word of her has come up till he obliquely confirms that this it is all over.

• New Years - The Man and I a bit tense at first, catch up with friends for drinks, lovely evening, watch fireworks and wish good friends all the best, leave with The Man.

• Day after New Years - The Man and I turn up 3 hours late to a mutual friend's casual gathering. Most of our mutual friends there and still have no idea we are seeing one another (which has been good), Friend 1 comments on The Man's reputation for tardiness "Well, you must have worked wonders Ms Batville to get The Man up, bet you had to ring him multiple times to drag him out of bed and remind him to be here". The Man replies "I think Ms Batville and I are equally to blame for being late". I leave the room to avoid laughing and blushing simultaneously.

• Day after that - I return to work early in order to attend to urgent project.

• Since then - 969 unread emails in my account, probably umpteen unpaid bills, many days of 12+ hour days at work, The Man and I tell one close friend we are together and he reacts with considerable joy, messy house, nothing in the larder, plenty of cocktails and almost daily catching up instigated by 'The Man' more "ahem...kissing" with him, two emergency undie shops (for when a gal runs of clean ones and has no time to wash so rushs to Myer in her lunch hour) and general chaos.

Hoping things will calm down soon at work and I can get some sleep. How do normal people do it? The "ahem...kissing" is fabulous but is contributing to my general lack of sleep. I'm sure there is a secret to managing work, keeping a smallish house tidy, having clean undies and spending quality time with another. Tips are very welcome.

And thanks to Audrey for a nomination. How nice! She is a sweetie.

More soon dearies, and I promise it won't be Man related or a work gripe.