Suggestions welcome on a page-turner

It is only a few more sleeps until I take a nice long flight, otherwise known as the time that busy people from the antipodes catch up on sleep and reading when travelling to the old world.

For some reason I am not inspired by any of the many unread books on my bookshelf, and I'm keen to splash out on a page-turner or two. I'm not in the mood for trash, rather something well written and neither depressing nor overly joyful.I'm fond of the classics, don't mind the odd bit of crime, or a historical work, or an autobiography. I've been recommended A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini.

Any other suggestions very welcome....

In the words of Boney M ....

"Hooray, hooray, its a holi-holiday

What a world of fun for everyone, holi-holiday

Hooray, hooray, its a holi-holiday

Sing a summer song, skip along, holi-holiday

Its a holi-holiday

Well, Im game, fun is the thing Im after

Now lets all live it up today, get set for love and laughter

Well, lets go, time isnt here for wasting

Life is so full of sweet sweet things, Id like to do some tasting"

That is right - Ms Batville has booked a holiday, a spur of the moment overseas trip with The Man for a few weeks. I'm leaving the week after next and I'm going north, to that other hemisphere, where it will be warmer than Batville. A bit of sleep, a bit of reading, more than a dash of culture, a bit of driving around sightseeing, a lot of good food and good wine, and a good Man who is very easy to travel with. Just indulge me as I gloat for a second or two.

It has been so so so long since I had a decent break and frankly I have been exhausted, weighed down with work and prone to self indulging in the odd moment of melancholy. But now I feel as light as a feather and happy happy happy. I went and bought a travel guide today and can hardly hide my excitement.

It will also be really nice to get away from the pressures of two stressful careers for some relaxed couple time. In the past few years I have become accustomed to travelling alone which is fine for a while, but can be lonely if it is part of every trip you take. I am really looking forward to sharing a trip with someone. Of course now I have to work like buggery to get things in order before I go. But I don't care cos....

"On the country side well take a ride (hi dee hi dee ho)

Where the stars all shine and lots of time (hi dee hi dee ho)

Back of your old car we might get far (hi dee hi dee ho)

In the summer breeze we feel at ease (hi dee hi dee ho)

Hooray, hooray, its a holi-holiday

What a world of fun for everyone, holi-holiday

Hooray, hooray, its a holi-holiday

Sing a summer song, skip along, holi-holiday

Its a holi-holiday, its a holi-holiday"

Stone the crows - is this fair dinkum?

Check this out!


It reads (with italics added by Ms Batville):

Australian translation you can trust
Your most important choice when selecting a translation service, to handle your translation, is trust. You probably don't speak Australian yourself, so there are a few questions you'll need to consider when choosing a translation company.

How do you know the company you're using haven't just picked a lot of words from a dictionary and handed them back? (For example: bonzer, shelia, drongo and aveagoodweekend)

How can you be sure your text has the same meaning when translated into Australian? (For example: "The arrangement is satisfactory" becomes "she'll be right mate")

Hundreds of companies trust us to get their translations right first time, including UEFA, Sony and Morgan Stanley. (Sell your shares quick) We'll deliver your documents back to you, the way you want them, on time and at the price we quoted you.

Quality assured Australian translators
Language is a living thing it develops and changes constantly. To ensure our translators keep abreast of the language our Australian translators live in-county and translate into their mother tongue. (However English grammar is not their strong point). Our database of translators ensures that we can guarantee you a fast turnaround, even on large documents with short deadlines. (Even this arvo) Only 20% of the translators who apply to work for us pass our quality checks. (The other 80% must go to work on Neighbours) That's how committed we are to ensuring that our standards are kept extremely high.

The Best Australian translation to help your business grow
We have only one level of translation service - The Best. (Sleece Tiger do which translates as It is the least I can do)

The Best service means:
- We stick to our promises. (Struth)
- You'll only ever pay the price on our quote. (We're on the up and up)
- We're honest and open with our customers. (True Blue)
- We don't cut corners, every project gets our total attention. (Fair Dinkum)
So, whether you have one or one hundred translations done, you will always receive consistent top quality translation. (Bewdie)

Top quality personal Australian translation
"It's too small for us, you'll need to speak to someone else", is what most Australian translation companies will say, when you ask them to help you with your important letter, certificate or document. (Actually they are probably too busy laughing down the phone). We are more than happy to help you. You will receive the same high quality Australian translation service as all our customers. (You'll never need to do your nana). Your translation will be completed on time and at a reasonable price. (Flaming oath it will)

PS: I can recommend the very witty and informative monkeybizness, a great newish blog I stumbled across in my travels.

Our Foreign Minister's attempt at policy debate

That fat ponce Alexander Downer is at it again.

Earlier this week in The Australian he accused Kevin Rudd of being a boy in a bubble, because

He wants to pretend Australia can abandon Iraq, retreat to "our own backyard" and leave others to carry the burden of the great global security challenges of the day. He scarcely considers the consequences beyond the next 24-hour news cycle.

Downer also goes on to say that "maintenance of global security will sometimes require Australia to shoulder its share of responsibility, even when that involves difficult choices" and that Rudd is "unfit to lead the nation [as a] foreign policy imposter".

Extraordinarily he states that Australia, presumably under his bumbling, stuttering, overweight English-school boy act as Foreign Minister has a "sophisticated strategy of global engagement". Why is it that coming from his pen that sounds like semi-colonial rhetoric? And why is our sophisticated strategy so damn similar to that of the US?

All of this is a bit rich coming from a man who in January 2003 claimed it would be "folly in the extreme" to send Australian troups to the Solomon Islands because "foreigners do not have answers for the deep seated problems afflicting the Solomon Islands" and "our intervention would only delay the inevitable."

Apparently Alex wasn't thinking much beyond a seven month news cycle when he also said of such an intervention that "It would be very difficult to justify to Australian taxpayers" because by July he had changed his mind and Australian troups were on the ground. However that didn't stop the 2006 rioting and looting in Honiara, or the persecution of the Chinese there.

In today's Herald Sun Downer has another go at Rudd, saying that after his visit to Iraq and Afghanistan, he believes that our presence is necessary. It would be funny where it not so pathetically tragic for him to boast "General Petraeus told me [out troops] were world leaders, making an invaluable contribution." Anyone else get the sense that Lexie is really excited to be playing on the big stage with the boys with real guns.

Downer even goes on to say "As I told Prime Minister Maliki and President Karzai, their governments need to make tough decisions." A big call from a man whose government has said in response to a United Nations Committee on the Elimination of Racial Discrimination that "in the end we are not going to be told what to do by anybody" because these matters should be resolved by Australians, not by foreign bodies who "failed to grapple with the unique and
complex history of race relations in Australia."

I don't purport to know all the answers and I am all for a serious debate about our role in Iraq, one that doesn’t talk about "emboldening terrorists," "appeasement" or "poll driven sloganeering". However I don't think Downer is the man to take us on that debate. I am also finding it particularly hard to take him seriously after seeing that "I'm so freaky" number in Keating the Musical that seems him adorned in fishnet stockings and a feather boa. Even seeing him in a tuxedo makes me feel strangely ill.

Uniqueness part one

I was thinking today about those things are unique to your city. By that I don't mean something that is merely unusual, or that can be imitated in other places. I'm talking about those experiences that are truly different.

For example, in Sydney it might be standing on Sydney Harbour at The Rocks and taking in the majesty of the Opera House, or catching that first view of the bridge lit up at night when the Manly ferry swings around. Alternatively it might be something more humble, like that somewhat sad lighted cube in Civic in Canberra that changes colour when you talk to it. I would bet you can't recreate that experience anywhere else in the world.

Here is my tentative pick for Melbourne:

1. Running your hand along the water wall at the NGV like a little kid.
2. The experience of having your AM radio reception (yes I'm a Newsradio junkie) cut off with weird hissing sounds when a tram goes past you.
3. The experience of being madly "dinged" by a tram driver who objects to you being on the tram tracks trying to do a right hand turn. (More disconcerting is the relatively new phenom en of the tram driver using their microphone to broadcast their disapproval to the whole street, causing everyone to turn around and look when they say "You in the blue Camry, in a hurry are we? Is that why you need to block this entire tram full of 60 people, just so you can turn right? Well get a move on love or get out of my way.")
4. The roar from the crowd at the MCG just after the singing of the national anthem at AFL finals.
5. Shaking your head at how the Sandridge Rail Bridge is a blight on the Yarra. I know we keep it because it was one of the first railway bridges to use steel girders but it is still a bloody eyesore.
6. Buying fruit from the sellers at the Victoria Market, and apologising for giving large notes to be met with that uniquely Australian-Greek accented response "Doesn't matter".
7. Seeing Paul Kelly sing Leaps and Bounds at the Prince of Wales.

More to come as they come to me.

Hello dearies (but not in a Dame Edna way)

I'm back. Shamed by I'm not Craig and dismayed by the number of people who visit my blog after typing the words 'strange' and 'sex' and 'opposite' into Google Images and decide to check out a photo of a man licking a turtle, I can stay away no longer.

Truthfully I've been far too busy with The Man (all good), waaaay too much work and waaaay too much worry, life, low iron levels (must eat more beef), lack of sleep and not enough fun. I lost my inspiration for the written word for a while, however I've determined to stride purposefully back into this little blog (mentally I'm wearing some lovely grey wool Katherine Hepburn style wide leg pants and patent pumps when I do this) to see where it takes me.

Besides which, there is much commentary to be had about Australia the movie .

I look forward to catching up.

Ms B

Stickler alert - Why "devine"?

I have been hoping that I will not turn into one of those grumpy types who wanders around with a texta in order to correct spelling and grammar in public signage, and who hassles shop assistants about matters outside their control. To my shame, I think I might be.

Yesterday I happened to be in the Bourke Street mall and I wandered past the lovely windows at David Jones with all the nice new autumn/winter clothes. Normally I love DJ's. The staff are usually helpful, the refit of their ground floor beauty area is lovely and you can hide away their in an air conditioned and artificially lit cocoon and mentally spend away your entire year's pay on products that you would probably never apply.

Featured in the shop in large posters was the beautiful "god I would love to hate her but really I just want to look like her" Megan Gale as part of DJ's makeup/beauty booklet . Leaving aside that the booklet appears to be inspired by and directly rip off the Mecca Cosmetica catalogue, it is full of tempting ideas and Megan looks stunning. I would upload a photo of the front cover but Blogger is conspiring against me. You can check it out here.

Spot anything? Part of it reads "Devine Goddess Flawless Face Luminous Glow". "Devine Goddess" is the name used as a brand of cosmetics by Napoleon Perdis, this man:

Now, Napoleon here might be a OK sort of guy if you want your makeup applied by George Michael. Personally, I think he is likely to be a complete tosser. According to his website "The Napoleon Perdis philosophy is not dictated by fashion - it's about celebrating and empowering your natural beauty with products that have built-in educators and pro-tips." I'm not sure what the built-in educators are, but I'm pretty sure his eye shadows do not come equipped with a set of Encyclopedia Britannica.And they sure as hell don't come equipped with a dictionary. What is "devine" anyway? I googled this and apart from one entry that suggested "devine" meant "a beautiful woman" (methinks Napoleon wrote that), it ain't a word. It sure as hell isn't a word according to the OED.

What is wrong with the traditional spelling? What did the first "i" in "devine" do to offend Napoleon? Maybe Napoleon's clientele (those who attend the Perdis Academy and those who spend their life on the Vogue Australia forums) can't spell "divine"?

It might be alright for Napoleon and his built-in educated women to misspell words, but I expect more from DJ's. This made me quite irrationally grumpy. Luckily for DJ's I didn't deface their posters.

In my grumpy mood I wandered over to Jurlique when I was met by a snobby bitch attendant who peered down her nose at me as I was something that crawled out from underneath an Australis counter. "Ha!" I thought, "I can have some fun".Pulling myself to my full height I glanced over to her with my best "I want to spend money" face. She half smiled and asked me if she could answer any questions about Jurlique. "Ha!" I thought as I prepared to ask her about Jurlique's $3.4 million dollar fine for resale price maintenance. Then it occurred to me that it would be a bit like hitting a pigeon, she would blink wildly but no expression would register and she might flap away.

So I felt cruel and, as such, slunk back out into the daylight where my aversion to pretentious makeup retailers, wankers called Napoleon and spelling errors could be washed away by the daylight.

Happy Belated New Year!!

Well hello all. It has been quite an absence from the blogosphere but no I have not fallen under a tram or one of those nasty Connex trains that does not stop. I have lots of posting and lots of reading to catch up on and I am looking forward to finding out what has been happening. I hope this finds you all well having survived the festive season and the whole New Year's Resolution breaking-guilt that invariably accompanies January.

As for a six week pause between posts, well honeybear has caught me out (see last post) with her very perceptive comment:

To follow on a well documented theme...PUT THAT BOY DOWN AND START BLOGGING AGAIN! Really, you've had six uninterrupted weeks of boy-bliss (or at least I hope so) and now it is time to get back to the rest of us and start talking again.HURRY....P.S. INC and Watershed agree with me!

I am ashamed to admit that, yes, I have become one of those women who forgo the things she loves for romance. It has been six weeks of boy...actually Man-bliss, well mostly bliss really. There has been lots of kissing and lots of "ahem...let's call it kissing" and eating at nice restaurants, seeing movies and sipping cocktails whilst talking to the early hours. Few blips along the way so I have been playing it cool and he has been paying lots of attention, and good attention it has been too. So 'The Man' is fine in every well and Ms Batville is a happy woman indeed. But that is not my sole excuse for my blogvoidance. Let me sum up the last six weeks:

• Pre-Christmas: Work functions, work, work, work, last minute shopping, messy house, nothing in the larder. Catch up with 'The Man' who still just wants to keep things undefined and play it 'by ear' as he is still a bit 'freaked out about the whole getting together thing'. Decide not to buy 'The Man' a Christmas present in order not to freak the poor lad further. The Man gives me a gorgeous Christmas present which is (a) stunning, (b) well thought out and (c) very expensive. I tell him 'Well, I did find you the perfect gift but you wanted to play it "by ear" so I thought I wouldn't get it for you'. He grins in response.

• Christmas - presents wrapped at 5am Christmas day, exhausted at family tree-present-opening thingie, exhausted at big hoopla lunch thingie, lack of traditonal Batville family 3pm nap due to arrival of hideous uninvited cousin and her horrible badspring, exhausted drive home and teary cry for no reason in bed alone on Christmas night.

• Post Christmas week - burning candle at both ends, initially lots of "ahem....kissing", lots of catching up with people in town for the week, almost running out of clean clothes, semi-meltdown in front of The Man due to lack of sleep and bad bad bad PMS. Have almost fight after finding out he bought a gift for the girl he was seeing. He says it is a goodbye gift given he broke up with her for me and it is 'the least he can do'. This combined with sleep deprivation and horrid PMS sends me almost over the edge until Mum Batville tells me to pull myself together. Later realise he has spent way less on her than on my Christmas present (and yes, I mean way less). The gift disappears from his place shortly after and not another word of her has come up till he obliquely confirms that this it is all over.

• New Years - The Man and I a bit tense at first, catch up with friends for drinks, lovely evening, watch fireworks and wish good friends all the best, leave with The Man.

• Day after New Years - The Man and I turn up 3 hours late to a mutual friend's casual gathering. Most of our mutual friends there and still have no idea we are seeing one another (which has been good), Friend 1 comments on The Man's reputation for tardiness "Well, you must have worked wonders Ms Batville to get The Man up, bet you had to ring him multiple times to drag him out of bed and remind him to be here". The Man replies "I think Ms Batville and I are equally to blame for being late". I leave the room to avoid laughing and blushing simultaneously.

• Day after that - I return to work early in order to attend to urgent project.

• Since then - 969 unread emails in my account, probably umpteen unpaid bills, many days of 12+ hour days at work, The Man and I tell one close friend we are together and he reacts with considerable joy, messy house, nothing in the larder, plenty of cocktails and almost daily catching up instigated by 'The Man' more "ahem...kissing" with him, two emergency undie shops (for when a gal runs of clean ones and has no time to wash so rushs to Myer in her lunch hour) and general chaos.

Hoping things will calm down soon at work and I can get some sleep. How do normal people do it? The "ahem...kissing" is fabulous but is contributing to my general lack of sleep. I'm sure there is a secret to managing work, keeping a smallish house tidy, having clean undies and spending quality time with another. Tips are very welcome.

And thanks to Audrey for a nomination. How nice! She is a sweetie.

More soon dearies, and I promise it won't be Man related or a work gripe.

Bah bloody humbug

Am frantically busy and have been neglecting the blogosphere. Work is taking up plenty o'time. Things with The Man are good but I had forgotten how much time dating takes up. The house is a mess, I still need to buy Christmas presents and instead of attending to either of those things I am stuck going to more damn Christmas parties.

Is it just me or does the Christmas season get more frantic and oppressive each year? I am so sick of drinking cheap wine and making small talk over stale cheese. I normally like the people I attend these parties with but this year I have had enough. I don't know how I will force out a smile when all I really want to do is have a nap. I think I need to have a pre-Christmas holiday somewhere where I don't have to be nice to anyone.

Will write more soon but need to put in a monster day at work to meet all my overdue deadlines. My test of when I am too busy is when I contemplate running down to a department store at lunch to buy undies because I haven't had enough time to do a wash. I am getting scarily close to that point in time. AAARRRGGHHH!!!

Hope you are surviving the silly season.

PS - Did not realise until after I posted that I may appear to have plagarised this post title from redcap. Pure coincidence although her post is far funnier and worth reading than my whinge above.

Egad - Don't do "Australia" Hugh

News in that Baz Luhrmann has found a title for his new epic which tells the story of an aristocrat who inherits a cattle station called Faraway Downs prior to World War II. It is apparently to be called .... wait for it... "Australia". It will star Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman.

According to Lurhmann he is "taking the perspective of the rest of the world to this film how they might view 'Australia...When you say 'Casablanca' or 'Oklahoma!' it means big. It means vast... I'm not saying this film is Australia. It's a metaphor for a state of mind, for the faraway."

Actually of course I could point out to Baz that Casablanca is really quite a small film with only a few sets and where all the action takes place over 3-4 days. The characters are well developed due to excellent dialogue and subtle acting and the film has a slightly claustrophobic feel which is why it works so well. It wasn't designed to be a big film, and had it been it would probably have seemed hokey and ridiculous.

So, at the risk of sounding un-Austrayan, can I say that I loathed Moulin Rouge and I can't imagine how bad this film could be. It seems to me that since Strictly Ballroom our Baz has disappeared up his own sphincter. Mate, we get the cultural references and the big statements, we just don't need to have them slammed down our throat in technicolour. Calling a film "Australia" is a bit like calling it "Movie" or called a book "Novel".

I also can't imagine our Nicole looking like she belongs on a pre-WWII Western Australian cattle farm. Firstly, no one who lived there could look that pale. Secondly, as far as I know, Botox is yet to make it to Broome in 2006, let alone back in the 30's. The only fun part of the film is likely to be watching her try and fail to furrow her unknotted brow at the various setbacks that will befall her and Hugh.

The story is sure to feature some mystic Aboriginal subplot which will no doubt be resolved through a warm and loving friendship that forms with a small and non-threatening Aboriginal child or elder who will heal any rifts between white and black communities. Terra nullius won't be a problem, and everyone will live happily ever after in the way they still do in the Kimberley. Maybe we might get the homestead threatened by a bushfire, or a plague of locusts, or uncooperative shearers . Crops and animals will die like there is no tomorrow. There will be some racist and stupid local bureaucrats who will utter phrases like "Stone the crows mate, he won't last long at Faraway Downs, they never do". Through all of this Hugh will probably look resolute and sexy, while Nicole will look pale, seriously underfed and remarkably untroubled. A few glycerine tears will hint at her distress but Baz won't be able to stop there and will need to add some swelling music and closeups of her very blue contact lenses as part of his love affair with his ice queen. The costumes will look fabulous but completely impractical, and the dialogue will sound like it was written by Bill Collins. If we are really unlucky our Keith (who is actually a Kiwi) will contribute to the soundtrack.

Following the film's release we will have to endure an endless publicity campaign where Hugh and Nicole will sit grimacing next to Baz while he talks over them, raves about his vision and her blue eyes, and generally acts like someone who has forgotten to take their Ritalin. In interviews Hugh will be gracious and charming, and Nicole will seem forced talking about how she really got into the psyche of the character, and how much she just loves her home country.

You heard it hear first, Ms Batville predicts that "Australia" will be a turkey.

Judging a book by its index

Recently whilst browsing in a bookstore, I had reason to think about the index reference checks I have adopted over the years.

These are those items that I will search in the index of a book that purports to be encyclopedic in its area to see whether the book is worth buying. If the index doesn't contain the particular reference I am looking for then I conclude the book is a slap-dash effort. If my reference is there I will investigate further the text further.

As far as I can recall, here all the index checkers I use:

• Any book listing significant Hollywood actors or actresses needs to have Rosalind Russell. After all she was nominated for four Academy Awards. I recently came across a book of "greatest stars of all time" that omitted her but had Kurt Russell! Likewise it should ideally also include Natalie Wood, Eve Arden, Irene Dunn, George Raft and James Cagney.
• Eleanor Roosevelt needs to be included in any list of great historical figures or great women.
• Any book on great musicians or jazz needs to include Django Reinhardt.
• A book listing great songs or standards should list The Lady is a Tramp.
• Any cocktail book needs to include recipes for a Negroni and for an original Daiquiri (ie with lime).
• A general cookbook must contain a recipe for french onion soup.
• Any list of significant historical events should include Hearst's alleged role in blowing up The Maine in Havana Harbour in 1898 and starting the Spanish-American war. As a fairly significant event in terms of press manipulation this one needs some commentary.
• A book on great cities and travel experiences should list Melbourne.
• A book of great quotes needs to include both Dolly Parton and Nelson Mandela.
• A book of great speeches needs to includes Ted Kennedy's speech at the 1980 Democratic National Convention when he withdrew from the nomination for President. Even better if it contains Sojourner Truth's "Ain't I a Woman" speech from 1851.
• Depending on the context I will check books on films for one or more of the following: The Women, Spellbound (the 1947 version), His Girl Friday, Barefoot in the Park, The Thin Man, Little Caesar, The Maltese Falcon, The Magnificent Ambersons and The Awful Truth.
• A text on Australian history and events needs to record our (shameful) role in the 1975 invasion of East Timor.
• A book on great political leaders or Presidents better devote some time to Harry Truman.
• Gardening books need to explain how to care for gardenias when their leaves turn yellow (as mine do constantly).

I fear that this could be a Ms Batville only habit as it does smack a tad of Asperger's Syndrome. I think I need a catchier name than "index reference checks" for this but am running low on inspiration.

Apparently we aspire to be our best because of Elizabeth II

Did anyone else see that piece of tripe by Tony Abbott in yesterday's Age?

In a forward to a biography of the Queen, the honorable "I am a good Catholic who can address Catholic groups about politics but shouldn't be judged on my religious views and I had premarital sex and thought I impregnated her before I left her and she adopted the baby out because I was "psychologically unready for parenthood" before I then entered training for the priesthood" Minister for Health and Ageing reckons that:

• "The monarch has an important symbolic role too as "fountain of justice and honour"; guardian of the integrity of the armed forces and the public service". I thought that was also the role of John (who cares about ministerial responsibility) Howard and respective (who cares about the rule of law) Attorneys General - Silly me;

• The Monarch stands for "the embodiment of the unity of the Commonwealth of Nations" Personally I'm not so sure that unity is a great thing but it suits Robert Mugabe;

• She "represents that ideal of duty and service that is always beyond the reach of actual human beings but towards which all should strive";

• The Queen has lived her life "with grace and charm [and] with a constant and selfless devotion to the service of her far-flung people. Pity you can't say the same about her husband or her children; and

• While "contemporary intellectuals are republicans almost to a man and woman", the "heart has reasons that reason cannot know". This is a good thing?!?!

I think Tony needs to go back to addressing his church and getting his fellow female MPs so riled up that they act across party lines to defeat him.

Here's hoping you can have a day where you can strive towards the ideal of duty and service which will beyond your actual reach, and of grace and charm with constant and selfless devotion. Or not as you wish.

The opposite sex can be strange at times, but not as strange as turtle owners

Well I realise I am running the risk of this blog being entirely about my love life and there are far more interesting things to talk about than just that. However, I feel I should note my moderately good news.

The Man and I finally talked and the following occurred:

• he said he had been monogamous since we have been together, he was depressed about having to tell the other girl as he had been seeing her casually for about a year and that had not been in contact with her since I asked him about all of this. He said he was bad at this sort of thing generally and had avoided it in the past as he had always been the dumpee rather than the dumper. He said he felt a bit as if I was pressuring him although he knew that made no sense as he thought I was more than entitled to expect him to deal with this;

• he said I might have noticed that he had been a little stand-offish with me at times (yup I had). He said that this was because he had cared for me and fancied me a lot for a very long time and then a few years ago decided he had to stop thinking about me and put me out of his life and accept that nothing would happen. Recent developments had left him a bit stunned and he was still trying to get his mind around accommodating what was happening. He said that normally this should be easy, but that it wasn't yet and he just hadn't had time to process it all;

• he said he was very stressed at work as everything he was doing each day was challenging, he wasn't sleeping much and he felt generally a bit unsettled which didn't help;

• he had overcompensated for a very bad breakup by closing himself off and restricting his emotions, and he needed to let go again and open up;

• he said he cared for me, I shouldn't doubt his feelings, he wasn't using me and I didn't have to do anything except be fabulous, confident and happy, not worry or be jealous and he would deal with his issues.

I told him I wasn't asking for any commitment in time and I didn't know what might happen in three or six months, but that right now I worried about trusting him. He told me that he wouldn't give me any reason not to trust him.

I think the poor lad is a tad scared and overwhelmed, and when it comes to the other girl he is being cowardly. Our timing has always been a bit odd, and so it is now too. I can however understand how he might be a bit confused, as I had been telling him I wasn't at all interested in a relationship even when he argued his case strenuously. It was a big deal for me to admit to myself that I was falling for him, so he is entitled to a bit of time.

So what can a girl do. I really really do care for him so I am going to take him on face value, treat him well, expect the same from him, respect that he has been honest with me about his feelings and just take things as they come. The best part might be simply that I can just love him and that makes me feel good. I'm not talking that simpering, spoil him rotten and cook for him sort of stuff. I am after all a feminist who deserves a good deal from her man and sets her standards high. But I do care for him so I think I will just enjoy showing him that. I suggested a weekend away where we could sleep in, kiss and um er..., read the weekend papers, talk, not talk, laze around and just relax and be together to get used to all of this. He certainly agreed to that.

Now, on a more important topic, I checked into turtle ownership. I had visions of coming home at the end of a busy day to see little Skipperdee the turtle, his or her little neck poking out in anticipation. I could see myself polishing his or her shell whilst downing my gin and tonic. Skipperdee and I would grow old together, and he or she would seem to acquire a Yoda-like wise glance, which I would place great store in. I did foresee there could be problems if I stood on Skipperdee with high heels on, but it turns out that would be the least of my issues.

According to the good folks at http://www.petturtle.com/, "Too many people buy turtles for the novelty effect, and end up neglecting them." I would need a turtle tank of at least 40 gallons with both a land and a water area, and with the ability to change the temperature between day and night. Skipperdee would need spring water rather than tap water, and would also need a basking lamp (don't we all need one of those!). I would be advised not to "take the turtle out of its tank to show it off or play with it. These sudden changes in temperature can affect the immune system of reptiles, since they are cold-blooded animals and take longer to adjust to the changes. " Not quite sure how that fits with the requirement to "stay attentive to your turtle's behavior, and take care of it as you would take care of any other pet." I guess hours of turtle gazing and no shell polishing would be required.

Suddenly, my fantasy life with Skipperdee was looking less rosy. A quick scan of the photos of turtle people turned me off completely:

So, Skipperdee and I are not to be.

On another entirely unrelated note, our new quasi-work experience student person who has seemed very shy came up to me today at work and told me she had to tell me just how much she loved my shoes. I am predicting great things for her!

Important questions the day after

So the day after the State election in Victoria, we can all settle down to life as normal. The ALP won again, the Libs didn't get the swing they wanted and the Nats complained generally about the lot of country Victoria. After watching the coverage last night at a friend's gathering I do however have the following questions:

What is with the Premier's tie? And what is Terry Bracks wearing? It is hard to see here but it was most unflattering and she is normally quite stylish. It had horizontal rings of white and red around the lower arms making her look quite lopsided.

Has Robyn Baillieu had botox? She is on the left and her daughters Eleanor and Martha who are aged 12 and 16 respectively are to the left of Ted. Surely that cannot be her natural forehead.

Is it possible to take a good photo of the Nationals Leader Peter Ryan? I don't think so.

As for me I saw the Man last night but no time to talk so issues are not resolved. That is OK. He was going to come over but missed me. I called him up later and spoke to him for about 10 minutes, usual chit-chat and how he is particularly stressed at work and has been working silly hours at the moment on a very big project that has gone wrong in a number of ways. I didn't want to discuss issues over the phone so I will just have to be patient. In the meantime I have Eloise and my new shoes.

Things to do to keep your mind off your love life

Well, my last post was a bit of a whinge about the actions of a particular gent (and thanks again to those who commented).

In order to keep my mind active this week so I would not obsess about when/if he would call I adopted a number of strategies. Gels and boys I can recommend the following:

1. Have a haircut. I love love love my hairdresser. I have had a 11 year relationship with him and followed him across salons. I would almost follow him to Sydney (well if I could afford it). The new do is really just a cut and a slight colour but it has put the bounce back into my step.
2. Plan how to vote . I voted today in the State Election and enjoyed it. I see it as a right but also as an important privilege not to be wasted. After all, Emily Davidson did not throw herself under the King's horse at the Derby or Christabel Pankhurst endure forcefeeding just so woman today could ignore their civic role. I secretly blessed Emily and all the Suffragettes as I cast my votes today. I also took a long time as I worked out who to put last in my Upper House vote as a modern day Suffragette can never vote above the line.
3. Buy a new blusher(if applicable). When I see the Man I plan to look ravishing and ravishable, as if I have plenty of options and he better realise how damn lucky he could be. (Of course buying NARS "Orgasm" might be making the link a little too obvious but really I do wear that colour and it really does suit me. He doesn't need to know the name of my blush but I will!)
4. Organise a gym assessment. This has been on my to do list for months. I went today and it wasn't as bad as I thought it might be. The girl at the gym was annoying perky and fit (bet she was always the first to be picked for sports teams at school while Ms Batville was the one that the two most popular kids fought over so they would not have to pick her). However, there were no calipers, just a scale thing and while my body fat is up, the BMI is still OK and the aerobic fitness was just within range.
5. Buy shoes (again as applicable). OK so this will not be a surprise to Honeybear and I'm not Craig. But two pairs were for work so that can be justified. The other [pair was just too too too adorable. And they were on sale so I saved $150 all up.
6. Treat yourself to a good book. I bought the 50th Anniversary almanac of Eloise. I adored this as a kid, after all who doesn't want to be six years old and live at The Plaza with a Nanny, a dog and a turtle. I now realise where I picked up the habit of exclaiming things three times "Nanny says she would rawther I didn't talk talk talk all the time. She always says everything three times like Eloise you cawn't cawn't cawn't. Sometimes I hit her on the ankle with a tassle. She is my mostly companion....Oooooooooo I just love Nanny I absolutely do". After reading this I decided that I really want want want to own a turtle called Skipperdee who needs his ears braided so he will not get a rash and who eats raisins. I may even go on line soon and research turtle ownership.

As I am seeing him tonight I am hoping things will go well. If not I will come home quick smart and watch Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn in Charade. Or maybe almost as good I will check out Anthony Green's political analysis on the ABC- gotta love the thinking woman's nerd. Anyway, my motto tonight is that a woman always needs a Plan B...and maybe also a turtle.

Hope you have a lovely lovely lovely weekend!