You can take the girl out of the country...

My dear Mum was once a simple country lass, living far from Batville in a town not known for its progressive thinking, culture or the intellectual achievements of its folks. For a while there she was a National Party voter. I even recall when I was fairly young she expressed considerable dislike of Bob Hawke during his ACTU days. The word "ratbag" may even have been used to describe Hawkie. A strong word for a nice country girl like my Mum to use in the 70s.

Now don't get me wrong - Mrs B Snr is a smart cookie, she reads a lot, studies history and is a tolerant and civic minded citizen. She has become much much more politically progressive over time. She signed petitions for gay rights in the 80s, supported the "Sorry" movement in the 90's and considered marching against the Iraq war in the 00's (it was just a "bit too cold" that day).

She loathed Howard, laughed at the Nationals, joined with me over a gn't to discuss a mutual plan to do evil things to Tony Abbott, despaired at Hanson's racism, railed against wedge politics and had, or so I thought, abandoned her reactionary political roots.

Then we come to this guy:

My Mum has had an intense hate-like reaction to Barack Obama. She has described him as "smarmy", "pathetic", "insincere" and, out of nowhere, she recently even resorted to "w**nker". A very strong word for nice surburban retiree like my Mum to use in the 00's!!!

I just don't understand. She is no fan of McCain, and had mixed feelings about Hilary. Why the strong dislike of Obama?

What a year!

I can't believe it is already December and I have, despite my best intentions, been very neglectful of my little blog.

The last few months have been, um, challenging. All sorts of tricky career issues, some big life questions surrounding said career, money worries arising from career crisis and a general malaise has kept me from cutting loose and enjoying myself. Anyway I'm off on holidays again this week - warmer climes in Asia await me and I really, really, really need a break. I will try to post from various destinations, as much to ensure that I retain some of my vocabulary and my brain doesn't turn to mush as I start to properly relax.


2007 has been a good year for me, despite recent concerns. The Man is a good soul and whilst he ain't the most romantic type who gives flowers or utters spontaneous declarations of affection, he has treated me very very well. Up to now I have kept this little blog private, although he knows I have one and has threatened to search for it. I think the fear of discovery has kept me from writing more freely, but I think I am waaaay overestimating his interest in finding this site so I intend to write more often and more freely.

I've also had a good year in terms of myself - sounds corny but I really quite look who I am and how I treat others, and despite the worries and business I can look back on the year and feel proud of who I am. Good to reflect on that every so often.

I am also so so so happy to see little Johnny Howard fall off his perch. I still have to get over my aversion to the phrase "The Prime Minister said" uttered by ABC journalists. I instantly recoil and then have to remind myself that we have a new PM, one who doesn't subscribe to an outdated, racist, lowest common denominator, vote buying, poll driven agenda.

This year I have got myself a new car, taken more photos, bought myself some wicked lipstick, dropped a few pesky kilos around the midsection enabling me to rediscover a few old faves from the wardrobe, had this blog namedropped in The Age, challenged myself at work, spoiled a few good friends, eaten at most of Melbourne's fabulous restaurants (oh the benefits of dating) loved, slept in, cuddled, laughed and got through it all taking life seriously, but not myself.

And that, dear friends, is the secret of Ms B's happiness.

If I don't read your words or catch up with your worlds before the end of the year, Merry Christmas or other appropriate religious/pagan/capitalist shopping event and a happy new year.

I'm off to finish my packing!

I'm off

to a place in the other hemisphere where it is warm and where John Howard has no influence! Yah!

And if you need another reason to seriously wonder about our Prime Minister at times, take this extract from The Age:

However even Mrs Howard's considerable influence has had its limits. When she was in end-stage labour with their third child, the book recounts that Mr Howard refused to break the speed limit while driving her to hospital, despite her obvious panic. He also baulked at driving the wrong way up a one-way street. In the end, he missed the birth while trying to find a legal car park.

So little Australian battlers, just remember that whilst babies (and the associated baby bonus) are good things, it is against the law to break the speed limit or travel up a one way street the wrong way. It is always important to do the "right" thing and laws are more important than people.

Our Foreign Minister's attempt at policy debate

That fat ponce Alexander Downer is at it again.

Earlier this week in The Australian he accused Kevin Rudd of being a boy in a bubble, because

He wants to pretend Australia can abandon Iraq, retreat to "our own backyard" and leave others to carry the burden of the great global security challenges of the day. He scarcely considers the consequences beyond the next 24-hour news cycle.

Downer also goes on to say that "maintenance of global security will sometimes require Australia to shoulder its share of responsibility, even when that involves difficult choices" and that Rudd is "unfit to lead the nation [as a] foreign policy imposter".

Extraordinarily he states that Australia, presumably under his bumbling, stuttering, overweight English-school boy act as Foreign Minister has a "sophisticated strategy of global engagement". Why is it that coming from his pen that sounds like semi-colonial rhetoric? And why is our sophisticated strategy so damn similar to that of the US?

All of this is a bit rich coming from a man who in January 2003 claimed it would be "folly in the extreme" to send Australian troups to the Solomon Islands because "foreigners do not have answers for the deep seated problems afflicting the Solomon Islands" and "our intervention would only delay the inevitable."

Apparently Alex wasn't thinking much beyond a seven month news cycle when he also said of such an intervention that "It would be very difficult to justify to Australian taxpayers" because by July he had changed his mind and Australian troups were on the ground. However that didn't stop the 2006 rioting and looting in Honiara, or the persecution of the Chinese there.

In today's Herald Sun Downer has another go at Rudd, saying that after his visit to Iraq and Afghanistan, he believes that our presence is necessary. It would be funny where it not so pathetically tragic for him to boast "General Petraeus told me [out troops] were world leaders, making an invaluable contribution." Anyone else get the sense that Lexie is really excited to be playing on the big stage with the boys with real guns.

Downer even goes on to say "As I told Prime Minister Maliki and President Karzai, their governments need to make tough decisions." A big call from a man whose government has said in response to a United Nations Committee on the Elimination of Racial Discrimination that "in the end we are not going to be told what to do by anybody" because these matters should be resolved by Australians, not by foreign bodies who "failed to grapple with the unique and
complex history of race relations in Australia."

I don't purport to know all the answers and I am all for a serious debate about our role in Iraq, one that doesn’t talk about "emboldening terrorists," "appeasement" or "poll driven sloganeering". However I don't think Downer is the man to take us on that debate. I am also finding it particularly hard to take him seriously after seeing that "I'm so freaky" number in Keating the Musical that seems him adorned in fishnet stockings and a feather boa. Even seeing him in a tuxedo makes me feel strangely ill.

Judging a book by its index

Recently whilst browsing in a bookstore, I had reason to think about the index reference checks I have adopted over the years.

These are those items that I will search in the index of a book that purports to be encyclopedic in its area to see whether the book is worth buying. If the index doesn't contain the particular reference I am looking for then I conclude the book is a slap-dash effort. If my reference is there I will investigate further the text further.

As far as I can recall, here all the index checkers I use:

• Any book listing significant Hollywood actors or actresses needs to have Rosalind Russell. After all she was nominated for four Academy Awards. I recently came across a book of "greatest stars of all time" that omitted her but had Kurt Russell! Likewise it should ideally also include Natalie Wood, Eve Arden, Irene Dunn, George Raft and James Cagney.
• Eleanor Roosevelt needs to be included in any list of great historical figures or great women.
• Any book on great musicians or jazz needs to include Django Reinhardt.
• A book listing great songs or standards should list The Lady is a Tramp.
• Any cocktail book needs to include recipes for a Negroni and for an original Daiquiri (ie with lime).
• A general cookbook must contain a recipe for french onion soup.
• Any list of significant historical events should include Hearst's alleged role in blowing up The Maine in Havana Harbour in 1898 and starting the Spanish-American war. As a fairly significant event in terms of press manipulation this one needs some commentary.
• A book on great cities and travel experiences should list Melbourne.
• A book of great quotes needs to include both Dolly Parton and Nelson Mandela.
• A book of great speeches needs to includes Ted Kennedy's speech at the 1980 Democratic National Convention when he withdrew from the nomination for President. Even better if it contains Sojourner Truth's "Ain't I a Woman" speech from 1851.
• Depending on the context I will check books on films for one or more of the following: The Women, Spellbound (the 1947 version), His Girl Friday, Barefoot in the Park, The Thin Man, Little Caesar, The Maltese Falcon, The Magnificent Ambersons and The Awful Truth.
• A text on Australian history and events needs to record our (shameful) role in the 1975 invasion of East Timor.
• A book on great political leaders or Presidents better devote some time to Harry Truman.
• Gardening books need to explain how to care for gardenias when their leaves turn yellow (as mine do constantly).

I fear that this could be a Ms Batville only habit as it does smack a tad of Asperger's Syndrome. I think I need a catchier name than "index reference checks" for this but am running low on inspiration.

Apparently we aspire to be our best because of Elizabeth II

Did anyone else see that piece of tripe by Tony Abbott in yesterday's Age?

In a forward to a biography of the Queen, the honorable "I am a good Catholic who can address Catholic groups about politics but shouldn't be judged on my religious views and I had premarital sex and thought I impregnated her before I left her and she adopted the baby out because I was "psychologically unready for parenthood" before I then entered training for the priesthood" Minister for Health and Ageing reckons that:

• "The monarch has an important symbolic role too as "fountain of justice and honour"; guardian of the integrity of the armed forces and the public service". I thought that was also the role of John (who cares about ministerial responsibility) Howard and respective (who cares about the rule of law) Attorneys General - Silly me;

• The Monarch stands for "the embodiment of the unity of the Commonwealth of Nations" Personally I'm not so sure that unity is a great thing but it suits Robert Mugabe;

• She "represents that ideal of duty and service that is always beyond the reach of actual human beings but towards which all should strive";

• The Queen has lived her life "with grace and charm [and] with a constant and selfless devotion to the service of her far-flung people. Pity you can't say the same about her husband or her children; and

• While "contemporary intellectuals are republicans almost to a man and woman", the "heart has reasons that reason cannot know". This is a good thing?!?!

I think Tony needs to go back to addressing his church and getting his fellow female MPs so riled up that they act across party lines to defeat him.

Here's hoping you can have a day where you can strive towards the ideal of duty and service which will beyond your actual reach, and of grace and charm with constant and selfless devotion. Or not as you wish.

Important questions the day after

So the day after the State election in Victoria, we can all settle down to life as normal. The ALP won again, the Libs didn't get the swing they wanted and the Nats complained generally about the lot of country Victoria. After watching the coverage last night at a friend's gathering I do however have the following questions:

What is with the Premier's tie? And what is Terry Bracks wearing? It is hard to see here but it was most unflattering and she is normally quite stylish. It had horizontal rings of white and red around the lower arms making her look quite lopsided.

Has Robyn Baillieu had botox? She is on the left and her daughters Eleanor and Martha who are aged 12 and 16 respectively are to the left of Ted. Surely that cannot be her natural forehead.

Is it possible to take a good photo of the Nationals Leader Peter Ryan? I don't think so.

As for me I saw the Man last night but no time to talk so issues are not resolved. That is OK. He was going to come over but missed me. I called him up later and spoke to him for about 10 minutes, usual chit-chat and how he is particularly stressed at work and has been working silly hours at the moment on a very big project that has gone wrong in a number of ways. I didn't want to discuss issues over the phone so I will just have to be patient. In the meantime I have Eloise and my new shoes.

It can only be a matter of days

Wayne Swan has said that Kim Beazley will "absolutely" be the leader of the ALP at the next election. As any footy coach knows, this is the kiss of death.

I'm unsure what I think about this. I was embarrassed by Beazley's Karl Rove/Rove McManus gaffe but this seems to be an odd thing to be the straw that broke the camel's back. I quite like what I have seen of Kevin Rudd, but he does seem a little colourless (maybe that is just his complexion).

What I really want is a strong opposition and some excitement back in Australian politics. There seems to be so many people I meet who want someone to really challenge Howard, and even some Liberal voters think that a stronger opposition would mean a better government. I'm not sure Beazley will ever be able to do this. He just can't seem to get "lift off" on any issue.

On the other hand, another change for the ALP might lead to that awful honeymoon period from journos where Rudd can do no wrong, followed by a big let down and a period of disillusionment.

It looks like being an interesting few weeks.

At the risk of turning this into a purely political blog...

...or of further upsetting my lovely and sensible fellow bloggers (see last post) has anyone see the article by Neil Mitchell in today's Herald Sun ?

Apparently the racist attack on a Jewish man and his children in Caulfield last week by a bunch of footy players was "not all bad news" because Neil has surmised:

• Anybody could have been the target of this - "Jew, Muslim, Aboriginal, Asian, Greek, Italian". Apparently women can also be the target of yobbos.
• While it was "reasonable" for the victim to object to being called a "f--- Jew " while hearing the cheer "go Nazis" we should ask if it was reasonable for him to approach the bus the players were travelling in. Neil thinks that this escalated the "clash from ugly to violent". The "good news" is that the decision to approach the bus turned out to be OK because it another person intervened. This person we are told was "not a Jew" but was "sufficiently outraged to pursue the bus". A few others helped as well and that, according to Neil, was a "statement of deceny because these people identified as unacceptable the actions of a few idiots". (Obviously without their actions, readers of the Herald Sun would have been unable to make this judgement for themselves).
• The President of the Ocean Grove Football Club has been "decent and sensible" because he was appalled at what happened and hoped that those involved would meet the victim and apologise to him, and that they would visit the Holocaust Museum.
• Other "average Australians" have also expressed their "outrage and committement to decency"

In conclusion, Neil tells us that the victim has been exposed to a "snapshot of Australia:we have a few yobbos, a smattering of racism, a good deal of decency, a mix of cultures, dashes of prejudice, an underlying base of fairness, an edge of danger with our blokey culture, and too much fondness for too much alcohol."

Well, I feel better.

Anyone else want to stalk the Ocean Grove Football Club next year. We can turn up to their matches, laugh at their physical appearance and crack jokes about the deaths on the Melbourne-Geelong Road and the Pyramid Bank collapse. Let's make sure we do it in full view of their children as well, for good measure.

I need a gin.

Spot the inconsistency

It is five years since the Siev X sank with the loss of 353 asylum seekers. On Friday the Age published this photo of Hazam Al Rowaimi who lost his mother, wife and children when the boat sank off Australian waters . At the time Australia's then Immigration Minister, then Defence Minister and the Prime Minister John Howard announced that a number of children on the vessel had been thrown overboard. This was later found to be untrue, but not before it was an issue at an election which John Howard was returned to power.

Apparently a Commonwealth Government Agency have stopped plans for a memorial in Canberra on the basis that it can't be erected until 10 years after the event.

It has been six weeks since Steve Irwin died. Apparently our Prime Minister John Howard has said he would be holding discussions soon about a permanent memorial as "I certainly know that the people want it and we've had some very good suggestions and I hope we can come up with a sensible proposal."

Things you may not want to know about Australia's former first lady

Since praising the wonderful Margaret Whitlam a few weeks back I have contemplated buying the new biography of her.

I happened upon a story about the book in a copy of the Australian Women's Weekly which is not my normal reading pleasure. Anyway you can trust the Weekly for a nice, non-controversial story. Imagine my surprise when I happened upon the following paragraph:

Certainly, a less secure person than Margaret would have stepped back from revealing some of the more intimate truths of a 64-year marriage - whether, for instance, she was able to have an orgasm on her honeymoon; whether Gough was, in fact, a good lover; and whether she ever fancied another man. On all three counts the answer is a resounding, "Yes".

Well, my giddy Aunt. This is not the sort of thing you expect in the Weekly! And Margaret! Gough! Their honeymoon! Crikey!

Now we know there might be more in that famous Nicholson Cartoon was after an earthquake during the Whitlam's trip to China in 75.

But wait there is more in the Weekly:

Not only was Gough a good lover, he actually read her poems by
Keats, Shelley and Byron when they were in bed together. "I suppose you'd call
it foreplay and I just thought it was lovely".

Gough you ole romantic devil you. Surely even die-hard Lib women would read that in envy. Bet Malcolm never did that for Tammy, and I'm damn sure John Howard doesn't...sorry can't finish this sentence. Will go and wash my mouth out.

Ms Batville - slowly resuming normal transmission

Yah - my mojo seems to be returning. Not to the point where I actually accomplished much today but at least I seem to be able to contemplate achieving something tomorrow. The little black rain cloud has moved on. We're not quite in full sun yet, more like overcast with moments of sunniness.

So, in that vein a list of things that made Ms Batville happy today:

1. A postcard from a friend in Boston of a very elegant photo of Jackie circa 1962 - apparently he saw it and thought it resembled me - Wow.
2. Larry Mullen Jnr's treatment of autograph scalpers courtesy of Scatter - God I love U2.
3. Pulling up next to a wanker in a sportscar at lights a mere 200 metres after he tried to run me off the road doing some ridiculous speed. Even better - when the light changed, my little rust box took off and he ... stalled. Hah!
4. Buying some Green Tea perfume at Elizabeth Arden and getting quite a good GWP (Gift with Purchase)
5. Margaret Whitlam's comments about Janette Howard. Good old Margaret - bless her. My respect for Gough grows ever time I think about his choice of wife.
6. Knowing that tomorrow is end of the month at work, and despite my lethargy, my group will still have met our targets.
7. Having AFL Grand Final tickets. OK so I don't follow either team (but I am an AFL member so am justified in having a ticket) but I do love a good GF and I simply love love love the bit where the RAAF Roulettes swoop down over the 'G and scare the bejusus out of everyone. I also adore the way that the singing of our national anthem degenerates in the last four seconds amongst a very bloky chorus of "Go Swans/Go Weagles/Go Wirra/ Go Goodey etc".
8. Seeing that a few new people checked out my poor little neglected blog and stayed for more than 10 seconds - WOOHOO. So to them I say - come back - and - have a great weekend. May your team win the footy.

If only

Listening to News Radio (as one does when travelling home from another fruitless day in the office) I swear I heard a John Howard malapropism. Our PM declared that he couldn't take action over something because the Government would not go "open splatter". Personally I would welcome a bit of open splatter in Australian politics right now - would amp up the interest level.

Is this in fact the same person?

One of these men is allegedly Tony Burke, ALP member for Watson and shadow Minister for Immigration. The other is supposedly Andrew Gaze, former Olympian and Australia basketball superstar. Are they in fact the same person? Have they been seen in the same place at the same time?

More importantly, which one would you pick to take out Amanda Vanstone?

OR