Ms Batville

A break for a while

2008-09-29T15:09:00.000+10:00

I'm going to take a break from this blog for a while for reasons that are entirely personal and of no particular import to the world at large. I may be back, I may not be. I will post my intentions in due course, once I've decided what I am going to do.
I will continue to read the witty and wonderful words of others - take care all.
Love
Ms B

Surviving without 8 hours per night

2008-09-27T13:10:00.000+10:00

I've been such a busy thing recently, surviving on too little sleep, leaving wet towels in the washing machine for up to a week because I've forgotten about them and all the time limping through each day.

I know I'm not good when I'm really really tired - I get worked up over little things and I lose my sense of proportion. The best thing I can do is to withdraw from people and sleep but I haven't had that luxury so I'm glad to say that I've managed to keep myself in check. To the world I've looked calm, cheery and very busy. One of my staff apparently commented to another that it was amazing that I could be so relaxed when I'm rushing from one thing to another, and as a result I was her idol.

I also managed to negotiate a difficult situation between two colleagues (Mr Elder Statesman and Mr Most Distinguished Gent). MRS and MMDG don't get along and we we all needed to work together on the urgent Very Important Thing. I managed to pull the VIT together without seeming to be taking one side or another, and put in extra hours to ensure that we went above and beyond the call in terms of what was required. The persons who benefit from VIT were happy. MES thanked me while MMDG who has never been my biggest fan told me he was very impressed and he recognised my diplomacy skills. All this while I've been getting 3-4 hours sleep per night.

So just as the crazy hours ebbed away I started to feel happy (maybe a bit too smug) and think that I may have conquered this tiredness thing I get a call from MMDG. I'd made a small but embarrassing mistake on VIT - one that I thought about at the time and made a call on. When he pointed it out to me, I realised that of course I was wrong. Of course this realisation came too late as I momentarily tried to explain my decision. I could hear him sigh over the phone and with that exhalation went his good opinion of me.

The mistake will have little practical consequence but makes me look unprofessional. I've apologised but I'm not sure it has had any effect.

So now I have enough time for 8 hours a night, but I can't get that much sleep as I have a hollow feeling at the pit of my stomach as I churn over my mistake again and again and again.

That will serve her right...

2008-09-07T16:36:00.004+10:00

It is only a few weeks ago that I posted that my dear old Mum had a strange and passionate dislike of Barack Obama. Then this happened:

One look at a moose-hunting, right to lifer, pro-Alaskan oil drilling, climate sceptic and my Mum has declared she is a "100% Obama supporter." She also mumbled something about the decline of the great American empire, and how Putin may cause the end of the world but she'd had a few gins by then and that can bring out the pessimist in any girl.

Shopping for essentials

2008-08-16T09:57:00.000+10:00

I've been sooooo good for soooo long that I think I deserve a treat....

During the past three months I've not splurged on any and I've worn down some of my older pairs, so buying one teensy little pair is a necessity not a luxury, isn't it?

While I am at it maybe I should get a sensible pair too....

Unaustrayan

2008-08-14T18:30:00.001+10:00

Is it wrong to be bored stupid by the 'Lympics?

Do I risk losing my citizenship because I don't care whether a bunch of over-subsidised fit people can undertake some specialised physical act better, faster or with less chance of failing a drug test than a bunch of other over-subsidised fit people?

Sometimes being a woman just sucks

2008-08-12T19:30:00.005+10:00

At various times and to varying degrees we have to put up with:

crappy PMT symptoms, back pain and tiredness not to mention the physiological effects which if internalised can range from feeling mildly irritated through to ego-swamping feelings of being insecure, unattractive and genuinely horrid;
the odd accompanying outward displays of emotion which can include wanting to cry or actually crying for little reason and/or the occasional wig out (which hardly endears one to one's loved ones);*
having to take medical responsibility to avoid unwanted contraception, even if that has unwanted side-effects;
all sorts of intrusive medical tests where one's breasts get handled and squashed or one has to deal with cold metal implements while being told to "just relax";
worrying about the process of and/or the results of above;
being told that ways to avoid risks of nasty cancers is to abstain from too much sex or alcohol and to have children before the age of 30. Lets face it that sounds to many of us like a crap lifestyle choice. At that age I would have dealt with some young un's mostly through the therapeutic use of gin;
the whole fertility use by date thing;
patronising car salesmen;
patronising car mechanics;
the risk of getting assaulted when trying to get home late at night because the public transport is not staffed and not well lit, and because taxi drivers just occasionally turn out to be rapists;
the odd bit of sexual harassment in the workplace; and almost as importantly
not being able to twist the bloody lid off bottles .

* I hate hate hate to admit this has been me sometimes and I'm embarrassed by it. For reasons related to the damn useful but pesky pill it got really bad a few years ago. I read some of my previous posts and see it in the subtext. Maybe a blog edit is in order.

Real Estate Language: Lesson 1

2008-08-11T14:44:00.000+10:00

Charming equals dirty and yellow, green or brown.

Next week: Retro equals prints of Native Indians.

Addressing miserableness in a colleague

2008-08-09T10:54:00.000+10:00

I work with an unhappy misanthrope.

He is smart, and would be good at his work if he could pull himself out of his state of perpetual ennui. However I think he may be depressed, and he doesn't seem to be getting any better. I am aware that various senior management types have been "working" with him and there have been some baby steps, but his general demeanour is still that of a man who would rather rip out his fingernails than spend more time than is necessary with his colleagues or deal with the parts of his role he doesn't like.

I have known this man for many years, and working with him closely from time to time. We are both in demanding jobs, where we are required to work long hours and must be able to attend to tasks with a high degree of precision. He has very good skills in some areas, but his unhappiness spills into his dealings with others, his reluctance to do the routine mundane parts of the job and his sense of professionalism. After a while others have started to avoid him, and a poisonous and pessimistic aura is now attached to his name. He lives by himself, and with no one to talk to at work I think he is really lonely.

Is it wrong of me not to want to get more involved and try to help him out? I quite like him and I feel like I should do something, but part of me holds back and for mostly selfish reasons: I don't have enough time (particularly as he likes to have very long conversations about how miserable life is), others are dealing with it, he won't improve, it is not really my business, I should focus on the young ambitious and overworked women in my team etc ....

So you see I feel terribly guilty about this and think I should do something, especially when I see him wandering around in an obvious state of despair looking for someone to talk to/at. On the other hand I'm at a loss as to what I can do to help, other than to refer him to the support that is supposedly already available to him.

This one needs more thought.

You can take the girl out of the country...

2008-08-07T14:14:00.000+10:00

My dear Mum was once a simple country lass, living far from Batville in a town not known for its progressive thinking, culture or the intellectual achievements of its folks. For a while there she was a National Party voter. I even recall when I was fairly young she expressed considerable dislike of Bob Hawke during his ACTU days. The word "ratbag" may even have been used to describe Hawkie. A strong word for a nice country girl like my Mum to use in the 70s.

Now don't get me wrong - Mrs B Snr is a smart cookie, she reads a lot, studies history and is a tolerant and civic minded citizen. She has become much much more politically progressive over time. She signed petitions for gay rights in the 80s, supported the "Sorry" movement in the 90's and considered marching against the Iraq war in the 00's (it was just a "bit too cold" that day).

She loathed Howard, laughed at the Nationals, joined with me over a gn't to discuss a mutual plan to do evil things to Tony Abbott, despaired at Hanson's racism, railed against wedge politics and had, or so I thought, abandoned her reactionary political roots.

Then we come to this guy:

My Mum has had an intense hate-like reaction to Barack Obama. She has described him as "smarmy", "pathetic", "insincere" and, out of nowhere, she recently even resorted to "w**nker". A very strong word for nice surburban retiree like my Mum to use in the 00's!!!

I just don't understand. She is no fan of McCain, and had mixed feelings about Hilary. Why the strong dislike of Obama?

Ms Batville at the movies: The Bank Job

2008-08-04T18:35:00.008+10:00

Went to see this over the weekend. Not a bad little English crime caper - the sort of film that Guy Ritchie might have made if he hadn't lost his mojo starring at Madonna's oddly stretched face.

The plot is supposedly based on a true story. The British Secret Service, through the very gaunt and underfed Saffron Burrows, engage a bunch of petty crims to rob a bank vault in order to recover incriminating photographs of a British Royal. We are supposed to guess the royal is Princess Margaret. The crims manage to stumble upon some other secrets, and buy themselves a whole lot of trouble.

The acting is pretty good throughout, although one worried that Burrows might faint at a key moment through lack of food. Guest spots from a whole lot of those British actors with interesting faces that you see on great BBC dramas plus a small role from the guy who was in To the Manor Born. Sadly however there was no Penelope Keith. (Come to think of it, a gritty crime caper with Penelope Keith in a guest role might be something for Guy Ritchie to consider.)

The plot is interesting but the dialogue is a tad too reminiscent of an episode of Minder at times, possibly because of the number of women whimpering "It was always you Terry" at a balding petty car dealer whose supposed sex appeal is a complete mystery to me. The term "villains" is used a bit too often and suggests that the screenwriters were not taking the thing too seriously. There is a bit of violence and action to keep the boys interested. Impressively the film opens with a pumping loud Get it On from T-Rex, which can never be a bad thing.

Overall, the film is a good way to spend a few hours, but this one won't change your life. In five years you will stumble across this on TV, ponder the strange outdated period when women like Saffron Burrows had trout-pouts, watch it for a bit and then change the channel. After that you will forget it completely.

*** out of *****

Is there anything better...

2008-08-03T11:00:00.001+10:00

than cuddling up with the object of your affection in a warm bed on a cold winter weekend morning?

No..... I thought not.

Wishing you a wonderful rest of the weekend.

Dear god no.

2008-07-31T12:55:00.001+10:00

Some of you may have seen my previous post about the abomination that I'm betting will be Australia the movie. At that time I predicated that there would be a subplot that featured a "warm and loving friendship" with a "small and non-threatening Aboriginal child". Well lo and behold, apparently the film " introduces to the screen Brandon Walters at Nullan, the boy who steals Lady Ashley's (aka our Nicole) heart".

Exhibit A:

OK, so he is a really cute kid but I still reckon the film will be a dud, worthy of naught but our best cultural cringe.

Disturbingly I can find out all about the "phenomal buzz" that will surround this film on the Tourism Australia website, a site which, on its face, appears to be less about Australia the country, and more about Australia the movie.

This may be because our Baz Luhrmann (director of "Australia") has created a new tourism campaign for this wide brown land, apparently based on the feelings evoked for him during shooting. Baz has said that he hopes to "convey an emotional experience that is possible from going the extra distance" which is a big call from a man who has described the remarkably and increasingly wax and ice like Nicole Kidman as a "life force to be reckoned with".

This leads me to wonder what these ads might be like. I'm guessing that they might feature one or more of the following: charming little bush urchins grinning at the camera (aka young Brandon above), sunsets, Bill Hunter, blokes tipping their hats at the camera and/or women in bikinis, didgeridoos, waterholes, waterfalls, lots of water generally which you won't actually find as Australia is in a long term drought, kangaroos, women in inappropriate makeup and weird costumes, men with inappropriate makeup and weird costumes, dancing, red petticoats, emus, stoic blokes, girly women, red dust, Utes, crocodiles. Pretentiousness, unrealistic and a tad scary - tick.

We could trust Tourism Australia that this new campaign will turn out alright, but then they were the lot responsible for introducing the world to Lara Bingle, and then having her banned in the UK.

I, for one, don't predict a huge upswing in international tourism.

Ms Batville at the movies: Quick and dirty film reviews for the month of July

2008-07-29T11:14:00.003+10:00

I've seen quite a few films over the last month and a bit (the pleasures of being child free and dating) and I've meant to write a review all of them. Time has skipped away so using a rating out of 5 stars, here is a simple and efficient Ms Batville summary of my recent viewing pleasures:

Children of the Silk Road
David Wenham almost steals the show in a five minute role at the start of the film where he plays the hard bitten cynic Australian journalist. Great scenery, cute kids, bloody awful dialogue, predictable plot. Jonathan Rhys Meyers sounds like he escaped from a cheap remake of Brideshead Revisted. Spent much of the last half the film thinking about whether I could get my hair to look like Michelle Yeoh's. Regrettably I decided I could not.
***

The Dark Knight
Chris Nolan can do no wrong by me. One of the best casts of recent times, cool stuff that blows up to excite the male gender, Maggie Gyllenhaal rocks and there minimum use of "lame dialogue but we can use this in the trailer" moments. (80's less famous sibling spot - Eric Roberts, brother of Julia.)
***1/2

Hancock
OK so Will Smith's character is an allegory for the US. I got that. I didn't get how the scriptwriters lost their way half way through and tacked on a mismatched love story that didn't fit with the first half. At all. (80's less famous sibling spot - Jason Batemen, brother of Justine.)
**

Indiana Jones and The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull
I love love love Cate Blanchett but she should have known better. I will never never never forgive Spielberg for wasting Karen Allen like that so she could spend the film gazing lovingly up at Harrison Ford's face lift scars whimpering "Oh Indy".
*1/2

Iron Man
Robert Downey Jnr, how I love thee. Is there a more talented "kick the others out of the park with his raw charisma" actor around today? No there is not. "I am Iron Man." Could have been silly but I loved it!
****

Lars and the Real Girl
This is still showing in cinemas, and that in itself leaves me with a feeling of fatigue much like the film. OK, but I'm over films about the quirky inhabitants of small American towns. It was old 15 minutes after Fargo.
**

Mongol
Gladiator in a yurt. Genghis did it all for a girl, only killed when neccessary and wasn't that bad a bloke. Really.
**

The Orphanage
Mildly scary at parts, a tad predictable but starring one of those authenic Spanish actresses who can look sexy while looking her age. An extra star for that
***

It is not exactly David Stratton but you get the gist.

How to shop for a Man?

2008-07-25T06:37:00.000+10:00

How do you do it? I have no idea. Help needed!!!

The Man has a birthday coming up. It is not for some time, which gives me time to buy him a great "kick-arse, throw it right out of the park, best ever, so much better than my ex-girlfriend's gift, wow what a great idea, how did you know I always wanted this" gift. For a variety of reasons, the main one being he is just lovely, I want this year's birthday gift to be spectacular.

Problem is that The Man has very specific and quite limited tastes:

Clothes are out. He has some. He quite likes them. That will do him for now.

He has plenty of books (including some from me) and doesn't have time to read them all as it is. If he really wants a book he would buy it.

He likes art but thinks that good art is expensive and that it is hard to buy art for someone else.

He likes a clutter free home where items serve a function. Anything he deems extraneous gets thrown out.

He likes travel, but it would be hard to surprise him with anything as he has a busy diary, and he is an international travel sort of guy, not a "let's get away for a dirty weekend in Sydney" type.

He has a car. He really likes it. He would tell me it really doesn't need anything except petrol.

He has all the tech things he could want - camera, iPod, funky retro-styled radio, computers, computer games, state of the art PDA-phone thingie.

He has had the same watch for nearly two decades. It tells the time and hence fits his criteria of a great watch. He bristles at the idea of replacing it.

Other things he likes: me, great food, vodka, cars, cheese, red wine, history, chess, Jessica Alba, trance music, the stockmarket, laughing, the colour blue, France, architecture, taking care of his parents, science fiction, brunettes, action movies, arguing with me about the correct pronunciation of words, being right about the latter, foreign language films and most frustratingly .... telling me not to spend too much money on his birthday as "anything will do".

I am in need of guidance. I've been chewing over this for weeks and have nothing to show for it. There must be a knack to this buying for blokes thing. It can't be that hard, can it? Your thoughts welcome....

I've cured the common cold

2008-07-22T14:31:00.007+10:00

If you, like me, have been a tad under the weather recently with a snuffly nose, runny eyes and a sore head, you need sympathy and some help.

I can verily testify that the Vietnamese Chicken Soup at The Green Grocer (217 St Georges Road Fitzroy North) has cured my cold. It is described in the menu as a "a hot and sour soup of free range chicken Asian greens rice noodles shitake mushroom coriander lime and ginger." All this for $12 and they throw in some chilli as well.

A good dose of this and your nose will dry up, your head will miraculously clear and you'll be ready to up and do battle on one of Melbourne's various forms of overcrowded public transport with all the other miserable sneezing commuters, smug in the knowledge that you are now cured.

This place gets raves for its breakfast menu, but really it is all good - stock up your larder when you are there.

A few days ago I was sick and miserable. Now I'm skipping through the streets full of the joys of winter. It is a miracle.

July already

2008-07-13T14:47:00.004+10:00

My New Year's resolutions for 2008 were to:

Lose weight (did that, then put most of it back on again)

Buy great new clothes to go with lost weight (see above and weep with me)

Go to yoga once a week (went once ... for the whole year)

Go the gym twice a week (went twice in one week, haven't been since)

Cook more (did that, see comment re weight above)

Have a massage or facial once a month (Two massages, no facials so far all year)

Save money every month (Nope)

Read more books (Achieved- Yah!)

Blog twice a week (Well, you can see how successful that has been)

My guilt complex has stopped me returning to this blog until I could think of something terribly witty and jaw-dropping that would wipe away guilt about my broken resolution. It ain't going to happen ... so for the moment I will just stick with trying to get some of these resolutions back on track.

Having noted my abject failings resolution wise I can say I'm having a cracker year. My job, the Man, my state of mind - all fabulous!

More soon...

What a year!

2007-12-16T00:05:00.000+11:00

I can't believe it is already December and I have, despite my best intentions, been very neglectful of my little blog.

The last few months have been, um, challenging. All sorts of tricky career issues, some big life questions surrounding said career, money worries arising from career crisis and a general malaise has kept me from cutting loose and enjoying myself. Anyway I'm off on holidays again this week - warmer climes in Asia await me and I really, really, really need a break. I will try to post from various destinations, as much to ensure that I retain some of my vocabulary and my brain doesn't turn to mush as I start to properly relax.

2007 has been a good year for me, despite recent concerns. The Man is a good soul and whilst he ain't the most romantic type who gives flowers or utters spontaneous declarations of affection, he has treated me very very well. Up to now I have kept this little blog private, although he knows I have one and has threatened to search for it. I think the fear of discovery has kept me from writing more freely, but I think I am waaaay overestimating his interest in finding this site so I intend to write more often and more freely.

I've also had a good year in terms of myself - sounds corny but I really quite look who I am and how I treat others, and despite the worries and business I can look back on the year and feel proud of who I am. Good to reflect on that every so often.

I am also so so so happy to see little Johnny Howard fall off his perch. I still have to get over my aversion to the phrase "The Prime Minister said" uttered by ABC journalists. I instantly recoil and then have to remind myself that we have a new PM, one who doesn't subscribe to an outdated, racist, lowest common denominator, vote buying, poll driven agenda.

This year I have got myself a new car, taken more photos, bought myself some wicked lipstick, dropped a few pesky kilos around the midsection enabling me to rediscover a few old faves from the wardrobe, had this blog namedropped in The Age, challenged myself at work, spoiled a few good friends, eaten at most of Melbourne's fabulous restaurants (oh the benefits of dating) loved, slept in, cuddled, laughed and got through it all taking life seriously, but not myself.

And that, dear friends, is the secret of Ms B's happiness.

If I don't read your words or catch up with your worlds before the end of the year, Merry Christmas or other appropriate religious/pagan/capitalist shopping event and a happy new year.

I'm off to finish my packing!

310 things

2007-10-02T17:10:00.000+10:00

That is right - I've crossed two whole items off my to do list! And this is despite having a dodgy keyboard/mouse combination that keeps adding extraneous bits of text where I don't want them, annoying colleagues and too much coffee.

It is a glorious day in Melbourne today - the kind that makes the arrival of summer seem imminent. It is also the sort of day that makes a gel regret those extra Tim Tams she consumed. I've acquired a nice little layer of warmth around my main organs recently so there will be exercise and abstinence in my near future I fear or I won't fit into any of my nice summer frocks.

It is all a bit too much

2007-10-01T13:14:00.000+10:00

I have 312 (yes - three hundred and twelve) items in my To Do list. Many are long term, not urgent sort of tasks. Only a few are seriously overdue. But still - 312!

No wonder I feel tired.

Life is pretty good right now except I loathe my newsagent

2007-09-28T09:36:00.000+10:00

Work is crazy busy, but I am healthy, The Man is good, my family is well and, letss face it, compared to those in Burma or Sudan I don't have a thing to complain about. However that is not to say that aren't things that trouble my mind from time to time. I don't get to blog and read others as often as I want to, my computer keeps crashing, I haven't read a book in weeks, I've lost my driver's licence renewal form, I have baskets of washed clothes sitting around my spare room which I really must try to put away and my larder is mostly empty. What is really perturbing me at the moment though is that I may have to give up my long held addiction to newsprint.

It may not be obvious but ask yourself this, which of these three things does not belong with the others:

*I read newspapers in the old fashioned paper-turning way.
*I have a small, mostly dehydrated, front garden which is only barely alive during our water restrictions.
*I also have a great man with whom I spend part of my weekends ahem...kissing and sleeping in with.

Apparently it is impossible to have all three in my life at the same time.

I have stuck with print newspapers for many a year now, long after others moved entirely into the digital realm. I suffered through the Age's excessive newsprint stage which led to small smudgy black fingerprints all around my home. I survived the gradual diminution of the lifestyle, entertainment and food sections. All this time I have loyally subscribed to the Age, and I have the Australian and the Fin delivered on weekends. I love nothing more than to sit back on the couch on a Saturday with pages and pages of newspaper reading ahead of me.

In days gone past I had a lovely newsagent who would carefully place the papers just inside my front gate. After a while he was replaced by an aggressive young lad who each morning at 6:00 would launch the papers from his bike to my front door causing a loud bang. As annoying as this might sound it usually served as my alarm clock and ensured I could read the papers before heading off to work.

Now I have a newsagent who drives past in his Volvo (!) every morning at about 8, well after I have left for work. He seems to take particular perverse delight in throwing the weekday papers from his car window and he aims not at my front door or pathway, but at the any bit of greenery left in my small plot. So far he has decapitated geraniums, crushed my lavender bush, sliced a succulent or ten and "pruned" my roses for me. Is it too much to ask that I can read the Age and keep my garden intact? Apparently it is. I have visiting him and asked him nicely to help me out and try to avoid this. He looked down at me over his bulbous nose, with a smug look on his swarthy red face and smirked "sure." Since then the garden destruction has really taken off and it now looks like a small cyclone has visited upon my long suffering plants.

On weekends the problem is different. As I am often staying with The Man I arrive home later in the day to find all the papers nicely lined up on my pathway in clear sight advertising to all and sundry that (a)I have spent the night elsewhere and am not home or (b) I am a can't get out of bed. Don't get me wrong – I don't much care if my neighbours think I am a slovenly slut but I don't really want to let all the local burglars know I'm out.

Apparently I can't change to another newsagent as Mr Volvo is the only person who covers my area. I fear my days of newsprint are behind me. I apologise to those newspaper journalists who fear that the move to online newspapers will cost them jobs. You can't say I didn't try.

Where did all the sax players go?

2007-08-27T07:29:00.000+10:00

I recently had reason to reflect on a selection of 80's music whilst trapped in a never-ending taxi ride. The music of my youth was playing and it occurred to me that one of the important features of 80's music has all but disappeared from today's music scene.

I'll give you some examples...

The crush-worthy Steve Norman from Spandau Ballet:

Australia's very own "I'm lucky I ended up in this band or I would never have scored Deni Hines" Kirk Pengilly:

James Valentine from the Models, now a serious ABC journalist/presenter type:

The dude from Dire Straits:

The dude who played with Hall & Oates (who, readers, was actually the epitome of 1985 cool with a sax, a mullet and a shiny jacket natch)

This list is not complete of course. We should mention the other great forgotten saxophonists including from Australian Crawl, Wang Chung, Men Without Hats, Psychedelic Furs, Was (Not Was) (personal faves of Ms Batville) and the boys who played along with Alison Moyet and Sade.

These days there is nary a saxophone player in sight. I don't much mind this but I do worry for all those Gen X saxophonists who took up the instrument inspired by young Billy Hicks (played by the very chiseled cheekbones of a pre Sam Seaborn Rob Lowe) in the all time classic 80's film St Elmo's Fire. I related to the Mare Winnngham character (whose name was, would you believe, Wendy Beamish!!) when she fell head over heels for Billy. I'm sure many impressionable young boys and girls thought similarly and begged their parents for an instrument so they could look this cool:

Where are they now? Is their beloved sax sitting in a dusty cupboard somewhere with their dreams of stardom shattered, or are they out at the Burvale on a Friday night blasting away tunelessly while they recreate retro classics to a roomful of drunk and nostalgic punters?

I wonder....

Back in Batville (but planning my next trip)

2007-08-24T14:34:00.000+10:00

How time flies – a whole month since I last posted. So I'm back in Melbourne, reasonably refreshed and considerably more penurious after my overseas extravagance. During my holiday I mostly stayed away from email and reminders from home, hence no travel blogging. (Besides which reading about Dr Haneef made me so angry I thought it best not to check out what was going on). I'm only just back but it all seems to be fading into the background now so I don't think I will depress myself and recount my fabulous times in detail.

Needless to say I had a lovely trip – The Man and I generally got on extremely well and we survived the whole driving/navigating together thing. I saw great art, magnificent scenery, breathtaking views and the odd historical building. I walked and walked until I had blisters, I read none of the books I took over, I swam in warm water and I only did a smidgen of shopping. I met interesting people, stupid people and travelled with delightful old friends and less delightful moody newer acquaintances. I spent money on great accommodation, expensive dinners and alcohol.

The nice thing about getting away is that it gives you time to think and get your priorities in order. Whilst I like to think of myself as a traveller I am often guilty of working too hard, obsessing over little things and not taking enough holidays. During my trip I have reflected on the following important and less important issues:

I get bored with my job from time to time. That is OK and doesn't represent a career crisis. I will get less bored if I take some time out every so often. I will also get less bored if I have the confidence to challenge myself. I'll get that confidence if I take time to stick my little meerkat head up from my work and get some perspective more often.

I have finally learnt to pack semi-lightly. I took a moderate suitcase, packed more clothes than I wore but still had room to fit in some shopping purchases. It has taken 30+ years but I no longer have to exceed the baggage allowance on Qantas.

I need to take more holidays – that is, I need to take them more frequently and go to lots of different places. I should mentally wipe my headspace free of work and Australia (picture a mental Etch-a-Sketch here) by travelling overseas at least once every eighteen months.

Melbourne food is wonderful. You can eat at plenty of mid-range restaurants and have meals that range from good to very good. You rarely get a dud meal. We also have some fabulous restaurants. The food here is fresh and the meals are not too processed, salty, sweet or huge. Not that I don't appreciate eating local cuisine in foreign countries, but some of it is just over-priced crap. I should appreciate Melbourne food more.

Australia is not a very important country but we could be a great country and we have some fabulous people. John Howard is not one of them. We desperately need to get out of our "baby-bonus plasma-TV buying, racist fear-mongering, complacent mortgage holders battler lowest common denominator" culture and elect a politician who can actually lead the country and equip it to face the future.

More than a few Qantas staff are up themselves and should take a bit more time to reflect on how they treat their customers.

The Man is a very very good sort and whilst he is not the most expressive, romantic bloke in the world, he is genuine and reliable. He has shown me great care and ever so often he makes some gesture to make me happy that takes my breath away. I enjoy his sense of humour, his intelligence, his musings and I am never for a moment bored in his company. We are going well. I don’t know where it will end up, and I don't think he does either. That is just fine for the moment.

Watching Kath & Kim on the Qantas flight home is destined to make one very depressed. It shouldn't be played on flights into Australia.

I am gradually sinking back into the routine of everyday living, although I fear I am still a tad jetlagged. This weekend I will get out and about in Melbourne this weekend to ensure that I am not beset by post-holiday ennui. Hope life is treating you well and I look forward to catching up on events in the blogosphere.

Yours restfully

Ms B

I'm off

2007-07-23T19:13:00.000+10:00

to a place in the other hemisphere where it is warm and where John Howard has no influence! Yah!

And if you need another reason to seriously wonder about our Prime Minister at times, take this extract from The Age:

However even Mrs Howard's considerable influence has had its limits. When she was in end-stage labour with their third child, the book recounts that Mr Howard refused to break the speed limit while driving her to hospital, despite her obvious panic. He also baulked at driving the wrong way up a one-way street. In the end, he missed the birth while trying to find a legal car park.

So little Australian battlers, just remember that whilst babies (and the associated baby bonus) are good things, it is against the law to break the speed limit or travel up a one way street the wrong way. It is always important to do the "right" thing and laws are more important than people.

Sub-editor humour

2007-07-20T10:53:00.001+10:00

Someone at The Age just could not help themselves. Nothing like an old adult cinema gag....

Suggestions welcome on a page-turner

2007-07-19T15:09:00.000+10:00

It is only a few more sleeps until I take a nice long flight, otherwise known as the time that busy people from the antipodes catch up on sleep and reading when travelling to the old world.

For some reason I am not inspired by any of the many unread books on my bookshelf, and I'm keen to splash out on a page-turner or two. I'm not in the mood for trash, rather something well written and neither depressing nor overly joyful.I'm fond of the classics, don't mind the odd bit of crime, or a historical work, or an autobiography. I've been recommended A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini.

Any other suggestions very welcome....

In the words of Boney M ....

2007-07-14T22:22:00.000+10:00

"Hooray, hooray, its a holi-holiday

What a world of fun for everyone, holi-holiday

Hooray, hooray, its a holi-holiday

Sing a summer song, skip along, holi-holiday

Its a holi-holiday

Well, Im game, fun is the thing Im after

Now lets all live it up today, get set for love and laughter

Well, lets go, time isnt here for wasting

Life is so full of sweet sweet things, Id like to do some tasting"

That is right - Ms Batville has booked a holiday, a spur of the moment overseas trip with The Man for a few weeks. I'm leaving the week after next and I'm going north, to that other hemisphere, where it will be warmer than Batville. A bit of sleep, a bit of reading, more than a dash of culture, a bit of driving around sightseeing, a lot of good food and good wine, and a good Man who is very easy to travel with. Just indulge me as I gloat for a second or two.

It has been so so so long since I had a decent break and frankly I have been exhausted, weighed down with work and prone to self indulging in the odd moment of melancholy. But now I feel as light as a feather and happy happy happy. I went and bought a travel guide today and can hardly hide my excitement.

It will also be really nice to get away from the pressures of two stressful careers for some relaxed couple time. In the past few years I have become accustomed to travelling alone which is fine for a while, but can be lonely if it is part of every trip you take. I am really looking forward to sharing a trip with someone. Of course now I have to work like buggery to get things in order before I go. But I don't care cos....

"On the country side well take a ride (hi dee hi dee ho)

Where the stars all shine and lots of time (hi dee hi dee ho)

Back of your old car we might get far (hi dee hi dee ho)

In the summer breeze we feel at ease (hi dee hi dee ho)

Hooray, hooray, its a holi-holiday

What a world of fun for everyone, holi-holiday

Hooray, hooray, its a holi-holiday

Sing a summer song, skip along, holi-holiday

Its a holi-holiday, its a holi-holiday"

Stone the crows - is this fair dinkum?

2007-07-13T05:40:00.000+10:00

Check this out!

It reads (with italics added by Ms Batville):

Australian translation you can trust
Your most important choice when selecting a translation service, to handle your translation, is trust. You probably don't speak Australian yourself, so there are a few questions you'll need to consider when choosing a translation company.
How do you know the company you're using haven't just picked a lot of words from a dictionary and handed them back? (For example: bonzer, shelia, drongo and aveagoodweekend)
How can you be sure your text has the same meaning when translated into Australian? (For example: "The arrangement is satisfactory" becomes "she'll be right mate")
Hundreds of companies trust us to get their translations right first time, including UEFA, Sony and Morgan Stanley. (Sell your shares quick) We'll deliver your documents back to you, the way you want them, on time and at the price we quoted you.
Quality assured Australian translators
Language is a living thing it develops and changes constantly. To ensure our translators keep abreast of the language our Australian translators live in-county and translate into their mother tongue. (However English grammar is not their strong point). Our database of translators ensures that we can guarantee you a fast turnaround, even on large documents with short deadlines. (Even this arvo) Only 20% of the translators who apply to work for us pass our quality checks. (The other 80% must go to work on Neighbours) That's how committed we are to ensuring that our standards are kept extremely high.

The Best Australian translation to help your business grow
We have only one level of translation service - The Best. (Sleece Tiger do which translates as It is the least I can do)
The Best service means:
- We stick to our promises. (Struth)
- You'll only ever pay the price on our quote. (We're on the up and up)
- We're honest and open with our customers. (True Blue)
- We don't cut corners, every project gets our total attention. (Fair Dinkum)
So, whether you have one or one hundred translations done, you will always receive consistent top quality translation. (Bewdie)
Top quality personal Australian translation
"It's too small for us, you'll need to speak to someone else", is what most Australian translation companies will say, when you ask them to help you with your important letter, certificate or document. (Actually they are probably too busy laughing down the phone). We are more than happy to help you. You will receive the same high quality Australian translation service as all our customers. (You'll never need to do your nana). Your translation will be completed on time and at a reasonable price. (Flaming oath it will)
PS: I can recommend the very witty and informative monkeybizness, a great newish blog I stumbled across in my travels.

Our Foreign Minister's attempt at policy debate

2007-07-12T09:22:00.000+10:00

That fat ponce Alexander Downer is at it again.

Earlier this week in The Australian he accused Kevin Rudd of being a boy in a bubble, because

He wants to pretend Australia can abandon Iraq, retreat to "our own backyard" and leave others to carry the burden of the great global security challenges of the day. He scarcely considers the consequences beyond the next 24-hour news cycle.

Downer also goes on to say that "maintenance of global security will sometimes require Australia to shoulder its share of responsibility, even when that involves difficult choices" and that Rudd is "unfit to lead the nation [as a] foreign policy imposter".

Extraordinarily he states that Australia, presumably under his bumbling, stuttering, overweight English-school boy act as Foreign Minister has a "sophisticated strategy of global engagement". Why is it that coming from his pen that sounds like semi-colonial rhetoric? And why is our sophisticated strategy so damn similar to that of the US?

All of this is a bit rich coming from a man who in January 2003 claimed it would be "folly in the extreme" to send Australian troups to the Solomon Islands because "foreigners do not have answers for the deep seated problems afflicting the Solomon Islands" and "our intervention would only delay the inevitable."

Apparently Alex wasn't thinking much beyond a seven month news cycle when he also said of such an intervention that "It would be very difficult to justify to Australian taxpayers" because by July he had changed his mind and Australian troups were on the ground. However that didn't stop the 2006 rioting and looting in Honiara, or the persecution of the Chinese there.

In today's Herald Sun Downer has another go at Rudd, saying that after his visit to Iraq and Afghanistan, he believes that our presence is necessary. It would be funny where it not so pathetically tragic for him to boast "General Petraeus told me [out troops] were world leaders, making an invaluable contribution." Anyone else get the sense that Lexie is really excited to be playing on the big stage with the boys with real guns.

Downer even goes on to say "As I told Prime Minister Maliki and President Karzai, their governments need to make tough decisions." A big call from a man whose government has said in response to a United Nations Committee on the Elimination of Racial Discrimination that "in the end we are not going to be told what to do by anybody" because these matters should be resolved by Australians, not by foreign bodies who "failed to grapple with the unique and
complex history of race relations in Australia."

I don't purport to know all the answers and I am all for a serious debate about our role in Iraq, one that doesn’t talk about "emboldening terrorists," "appeasement" or "poll driven sloganeering". However I don't think Downer is the man to take us on that debate. I am also finding it particularly hard to take him seriously after seeing that "I'm so freaky" number in Keating the Musical that seems him adorned in fishnet stockings and a feather boa. Even seeing him in a tuxedo makes me feel strangely ill.

Uniqueness part one

2007-07-11T19:59:00.000+10:00

I was thinking today about those things are unique to your city. By that I don't mean something that is merely unusual, or that can be imitated in other places. I'm talking about those experiences that are truly different.

For example, in Sydney it might be standing on Sydney Harbour at The Rocks and taking in the majesty of the Opera House, or catching that first view of the bridge lit up at night when the Manly ferry swings around. Alternatively it might be something more humble, like that somewhat sad lighted cube in Civic in Canberra that changes colour when you talk to it. I would bet you can't recreate that experience anywhere else in the world.

Here is my tentative pick for Melbourne:

Running your hand along the water wall at the NGV like a little kid.
The experience of having your AM radio reception (yes I'm a Newsradio junkie) cut off with weird hissing sounds when a tram goes past you.
The experience of being madly "dinged" by a tram driver who objects to you being on the tram tracks trying to do a right hand turn. (More disconcerting is the relatively new phenom en of the tram driver using their microphone to broadcast their disapproval to the whole street, causing everyone to turn around and look when they say "You in the blue Camry, in a hurry are we? Is that why you need to block this entire tram full of 60 people, just so you can turn right? Well get a move on love or get out of my way.")
The roar from the crowd at the MCG just after the singing of the national anthem at AFL finals.
Shaking your head at how the Sandridge Rail Bridge is a blight on the Yarra. I know we keep it because it was one of the first railway bridges to use steel girders but it is still a bloody eyesore.
Buying fruit from the sellers at the Victoria Market, and apologising for giving large notes to be met with that uniquely Australian-Greek accented response "Doesn't matter".
Seeing Paul Kelly sing Leaps and Bounds at the Prince of Wales.

More to come as they come to me.

Hello dearies (but not in a Dame Edna way)

2007-07-05T23:14:00.000+10:00

I'm back. Shamed by I'm not Craig and dismayed by the number of people who visit my blog after typing the words 'strange' and 'sex' and 'opposite' into Google Images and decide to check out a photo of a man licking a turtle, I can stay away no longer.

Truthfully I've been far too busy with The Man (all good), waaaay too much work and waaaay too much worry, life, low iron levels (must eat more beef), lack of sleep and not enough fun. I lost my inspiration for the written word for a while, however I've determined to stride purposefully back into this little blog (mentally I'm wearing some lovely grey wool Katherine Hepburn style wide leg pants and patent pumps when I do this) to see where it takes me.

Besides which, there is much commentary to be had about Australia the movie .

I look forward to catching up.

Ms B

Stickler alert - Why "devine"?

2007-02-10T10:28:00.000+11:00

I have been hoping that I will not turn into one of those grumpy types who wanders around with a texta in order to correct spelling and grammar in public signage, and who hassles shop assistants about matters outside their control. To my shame, I think I might be.

Yesterday I happened to be in the Bourke Street mall and I wandered past the lovely windows at David Jones with all the nice new autumn/winter clothes. Normally I love DJ's. The staff are usually helpful, the refit of their ground floor beauty area is lovely and you can hide away their in an air conditioned and artificially lit cocoon and mentally spend away your entire year's pay on products that you would probably never apply.

Featured in the shop in large posters was the beautiful "god I would love to hate her but really I just want to look like her" Megan Gale as part of DJ's makeup/beauty booklet . Leaving aside that the booklet appears to be inspired by and directly rip off the Mecca Cosmetica catalogue, it is full of tempting ideas and Megan looks stunning. I would upload a photo of the front cover but Blogger is conspiring against me. You can check it out here.

Spot anything? Part of it reads "Devine Goddess Flawless Face Luminous Glow". "Devine Goddess" is the name used as a brand of cosmetics by Napoleon Perdis, this man:

Now, Napoleon here might be a OK sort of guy if you want your makeup applied by George Michael. Personally, I think he is likely to be a complete tosser. According to his website "The Napoleon Perdis philosophy is not dictated by fashion - it's about celebrating and empowering your natural beauty with products that have built-in educators and pro-tips." I'm not sure what the built-in educators are, but I'm pretty sure his eye shadows do not come equipped with a set of Encyclopedia Britannica.And they sure as hell don't come equipped with a dictionary. What is "devine" anyway? I googled this and apart from one entry that suggested "devine" meant "a beautiful woman" (methinks Napoleon wrote that), it ain't a word. It sure as hell isn't a word according to the OED.

What is wrong with the traditional spelling? What did the first "i" in "devine" do to offend Napoleon? Maybe Napoleon's clientele (those who attend the Perdis Academy and those who spend their life on the Vogue Australia forums) can't spell "divine"?

It might be alright for Napoleon and his built-in educated women to misspell words, but I expect more from DJ's. This made me quite irrationally grumpy. Luckily for DJ's I didn't deface their posters.

In my grumpy mood I wandered over to Jurlique when I was met by a snobby bitch attendant who peered down her nose at me as I was something that crawled out from underneath an Australis counter. "Ha!" I thought, "I can have some fun".Pulling myself to my full height I glanced over to her with my best "I want to spend money" face. She half smiled and asked me if she could answer any questions about Jurlique. "Ha!" I thought as I prepared to ask her about Jurlique's $3.4 million dollar fine for resale price maintenance. Then it occurred to me that it would be a bit like hitting a pigeon, she would blink wildly but no expression would register and she might flap away.

So I felt cruel and, as such, slunk back out into the daylight where my aversion to pretentious makeup retailers, wankers called Napoleon and spelling errors could be washed away by the daylight.

Happy Belated New Year!!

2007-02-04T22:22:00.001+11:00

Well hello all. It has been quite an absence from the blogosphere but no I have not fallen under a tram or one of those nasty Connex trains that does not stop. I have lots of posting and lots of reading to catch up on and I am looking forward to finding out what has been happening. I hope this finds you all well having survived the festive season and the whole New Year's Resolution breaking-guilt that invariably accompanies January.

As for a six week pause between posts, well honeybear has caught me out (see last post) with her very perceptive comment:

To follow on a well documented theme...PUT THAT BOY DOWN AND START BLOGGING AGAIN! Really, you've had six uninterrupted weeks of boy-bliss (or at least I hope so) and now it is time to get back to the rest of us and start talking again.HURRY....P.S. INC and Watershed agree with me!

I am ashamed to admit that, yes, I have become one of those women who forgo the things she loves for romance. It has been six weeks of boy...actually Man-bliss, well mostly bliss really. There has been lots of kissing and lots of "ahem...let's call it kissing" and eating at nice restaurants, seeing movies and sipping cocktails whilst talking to the early hours. Few blips along the way so I have been playing it cool and he has been paying lots of attention, and good attention it has been too. So 'The Man' is fine in every well and Ms Batville is a happy woman indeed. But that is not my sole excuse for my blogvoidance. Let me sum up the last six weeks:

Pre-Christmas: Work functions, work, work, work, last minute shopping, messy house, nothing in the larder. Catch up with 'The Man' who still just wants to keep things undefined and play it 'by ear' as he is still a bit 'freaked out about the whole getting together thing'. Decide not to buy 'The Man' a Christmas present in order not to freak the poor lad further. The Man gives me a gorgeous Christmas present which is (a) stunning, (b) well thought out and (c) very expensive. I tell him 'Well, I did find you the perfect gift but you wanted to play it "by ear" so I thought I wouldn't get it for you'. He grins in response.
Christmas - presents wrapped at 5am Christmas day, exhausted at family tree-present-opening thingie, exhausted at big hoopla lunch thingie, lack of traditonal Batville family 3pm nap due to arrival of hideous uninvited cousin and her horrible badspring, exhausted drive home and teary cry for no reason in bed alone on Christmas night.

Post Christmas week - burning candle at both ends, initially lots of "ahem....kissing", lots of catching up with people in town for the week, almost running out of clean clothes, semi-meltdown in front of The Man due to lack of sleep and bad bad bad PMS. Have almost fight after finding out he bought a gift for the girl he was seeing. He says it is a goodbye gift given he broke up with her for me and it is 'the least he can do'. This combined with sleep deprivation and horrid PMS sends me almost over the edge until Mum Batville tells me to pull myself together. Later realise he has spent way less on her than on my Christmas present (and yes, I mean way less). The gift disappears from his place shortly after and not another word of her has come up till he obliquely confirms that this it is all over.

New Years - The Man and I a bit tense at first, catch up with friends for drinks, lovely evening, watch fireworks and wish good friends all the best, leave with The Man.

Day after New Years - The Man and I turn up 3 hours late to a mutual friend's casual gathering. Most of our mutual friends there and still have no idea we are seeing one another (which has been good), Friend 1 comments on The Man's reputation for tardiness "Well, you must have worked wonders Ms Batville to get The Man up, bet you had to ring him multiple times to drag him out of bed and remind him to be here". The Man replies "I think Ms Batville and I are equally to blame for being late". I leave the room to avoid laughing and blushing simultaneously.

Day after that - I return to work early in order to attend to urgent project.

Since then - 969 unread emails in my account, probably umpteen unpaid bills, many days of 12+ hour days at work, The Man and I tell one close friend we are together and he reacts with considerable joy, messy house, nothing in the larder, plenty of cocktails and almost daily catching up instigated by 'The Man' more "ahem...kissing" with him, two emergency undie shops (for when a gal runs of clean ones and has no time to wash so rushs to Myer in her lunch hour) and general chaos.

Hoping things will calm down soon at work and I can get some sleep. How do normal people do it? The "ahem...kissing" is fabulous but is contributing to my general lack of sleep. I'm sure there is a secret to managing work, keeping a smallish house tidy, having clean undies and spending quality time with another. Tips are very welcome.

And thanks to Audrey for a nomination. How nice! She is a sweetie.

More soon dearies, and I promise it won't be Man related or a work gripe.

Bah bloody humbug

2006-12-13T07:53:00.000+11:00

Am frantically busy and have been neglecting the blogosphere. Work is taking up plenty o'time. Things with The Man are good but I had forgotten how much time dating takes up. The house is a mess, I still need to buy Christmas presents and instead of attending to either of those things I am stuck going to more damn Christmas parties.

Is it just me or does the Christmas season get more frantic and oppressive each year? I am so sick of drinking cheap wine and making small talk over stale cheese. I normally like the people I attend these parties with but this year I have had enough. I don't know how I will force out a smile when all I really want to do is have a nap. I think I need to have a pre-Christmas holiday somewhere where I don't have to be nice to anyone.

Will write more soon but need to put in a monster day at work to meet all my overdue deadlines. My test of when I am too busy is when I contemplate running down to a department store at lunch to buy undies because I haven't had enough time to do a wash. I am getting scarily close to that point in time. AAARRRGGHHH!!!

Hope you are surviving the silly season.

PS - Did not realise until after I posted that I may appear to have plagarised this post title from redcap. Pure coincidence although her post is far funnier and worth reading than my whinge above.

Egad - Don't do "Australia" Hugh

2006-12-03T10:29:00.000+11:00

News in that Baz Luhrmann has found a title for his new epic which tells the story of an aristocrat who inherits a cattle station called Faraway Downs prior to World War II. It is apparently to be called .... wait for it... "Australia". It will star Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman.

According to Lurhmann he is "taking the perspective of the rest of the world to this film how they might view 'Australia...When you say 'Casablanca' or 'Oklahoma!' it means big. It means vast... I'm not saying this film is Australia. It's a metaphor for a state of mind, for the faraway."

Actually of course I could point out to Baz that Casablanca is really quite a small film with only a few sets and where all the action takes place over 3-4 days. The characters are well developed due to excellent dialogue and subtle acting and the film has a slightly claustrophobic feel which is why it works so well. It wasn't designed to be a big film, and had it been it would probably have seemed hokey and ridiculous.

So, at the risk of sounding un-Austrayan, can I say that I loathed Moulin Rouge and I can't imagine how bad this film could be. It seems to me that since Strictly Ballroom our Baz has disappeared up his own sphincter. Mate, we get the cultural references and the big statements, we just don't need to have them slammed down our throat in technicolour. Calling a film "Australia" is a bit like calling it "Movie" or called a book "Novel".

I also can't imagine our Nicole looking like she belongs on a pre-WWII Western Australian cattle farm. Firstly, no one who lived there could look that pale. Secondly, as far as I know, Botox is yet to make it to Broome in 2006, let alone back in the 30's. The only fun part of the film is likely to be watching her try and fail to furrow her unknotted brow at the various setbacks that will befall her and Hugh.

The story is sure to feature some mystic Aboriginal subplot which will no doubt be resolved through a warm and loving friendship that forms with a small and non-threatening Aboriginal child or elder who will heal any rifts between white and black communities. Terra nullius won't be a problem, and everyone will live happily ever after in the way they still do in the Kimberley. Maybe we might get the homestead threatened by a bushfire, or a plague of locusts, or uncooperative shearers . Crops and animals will die like there is no tomorrow. There will be some racist and stupid local bureaucrats who will utter phrases like "Stone the crows mate, he won't last long at Faraway Downs, they never do". Through all of this Hugh will probably look resolute and sexy, while Nicole will look pale, seriously underfed and remarkably untroubled. A few glycerine tears will hint at her distress but Baz won't be able to stop there and will need to add some swelling music and closeups of her very blue contact lenses as part of his love affair with his ice queen. The costumes will look fabulous but completely impractical, and the dialogue will sound like it was written by Bill Collins. If we are really unlucky our Keith (who is actually a Kiwi) will contribute to the soundtrack.

Following the film's release we will have to endure an endless publicity campaign where Hugh and Nicole will sit grimacing next to Baz while he talks over them, raves about his vision and her blue eyes, and generally acts like someone who has forgotten to take their Ritalin. In interviews Hugh will be gracious and charming, and Nicole will seem forced talking about how she really got into the psyche of the character, and how much she just loves her home country.

You heard it hear first, Ms Batville predicts that "Australia" will be a turkey.

Judging a book by its index

2006-12-02T12:52:00.000+11:00

Recently whilst browsing in a bookstore, I had reason to think about the index reference checks I have adopted over the years.

These are those items that I will search in the index of a book that purports to be encyclopedic in its area to see whether the book is worth buying. If the index doesn't contain the particular reference I am looking for then I conclude the book is a slap-dash effort. If my reference is there I will investigate further the text further.

As far as I can recall, here all the index checkers I use:

Any book listing significant Hollywood actors or actresses needs to have Rosalind Russell. After all she was nominated for four Academy Awards. I recently came across a book of "greatest stars of all time" that omitted her but had Kurt Russell! Likewise it should ideally also include Natalie Wood, Eve Arden, Irene Dunn, George Raft and James Cagney.
Eleanor Roosevelt needs to be included in any list of great historical figures or great women.
Any book on great musicians or jazz needs to include Django Reinhardt.
A book listing great songs or standards should list The Lady is a Tramp.
Any cocktail book needs to include recipes for a Negroni and for an original Daiquiri (ie with lime).
A general cookbook must contain a recipe for french onion soup.
Any list of significant historical events should include Hearst's alleged role in blowing up The Maine in Havana Harbour in 1898 and starting the Spanish-American war. As a fairly significant event in terms of press manipulation this one needs some commentary.
A book on great cities and travel experiences should list Melbourne.
A book of great quotes needs to include both Dolly Parton and Nelson Mandela.
A book of great speeches needs to includes Ted Kennedy's speech at the 1980 Democratic National Convention when he withdrew from the nomination for President. Even better if it contains Sojourner Truth's "Ain't I a Woman" speech from 1851.
Depending on the context I will check books on films for one or more of the following: The Women, Spellbound (the 1947 version), His Girl Friday, Barefoot in the Park, The Thin Man, Little Caesar, The Maltese Falcon, The Magnificent Ambersons and The Awful Truth.
A text on Australian history and events needs to record our (shameful) role in the 1975 invasion of East Timor.
A book on great political leaders or Presidents better devote some time to Harry Truman.
Gardening books need to explain how to care for gardenias when their leaves turn yellow (as mine do constantly).

I fear that this could be a Ms Batville only habit as it does smack a tad of Asperger's Syndrome. I think I need a catchier name than "index reference checks" for this but am running low on inspiration.

Apparently we aspire to be our best because of Elizabeth II

2006-11-30T07:59:00.000+11:00

Did anyone else see that piece of tripe by Tony Abbott in yesterday's Age?

In a forward to a biography of the Queen, the honorable "I am a good Catholic who can address Catholic groups about politics but shouldn't be judged on my religious views and I had premarital sex and thought I impregnated her before I left her and she adopted the baby out because I was "psychologically unready for parenthood" before I then entered training for the priesthood" Minister for Health and Ageing reckons that:

"The monarch has an important symbolic role too as "fountain of justice and honour"; guardian of the integrity of the armed forces and the public service". I thought that was also the role of John (who cares about ministerial responsibility) Howard and respective (who cares about the rule of law) Attorneys General - Silly me;

The Monarch stands for "the embodiment of the unity of the Commonwealth of Nations" Personally I'm not so sure that unity is a great thing but it suits Robert Mugabe;

She "represents that ideal of duty and service that is always beyond the reach of actual human beings but towards which all should strive";

The Queen has lived her life "with grace and charm [and] with a constant and selfless devotion to the service of her far-flung people. Pity you can't say the same about her husband or her children; and

While "contemporary intellectuals are republicans almost to a man and woman", the "heart has reasons that reason cannot know". This is a good thing?!?!

I think Tony needs to go back to addressing his church and getting his fellow female MPs so riled up that they act across party lines to defeat him.

Here's hoping you can have a day where you can strive towards the ideal of duty and service which will beyond your actual reach, and of grace and charm with constant and selfless devotion. Or not as you wish.

The opposite sex can be strange at times, but not as strange as turtle owners

2006-11-29T19:23:00.001+11:00

Well I realise I am running the risk of this blog being entirely about my love life and there are far more interesting things to talk about than just that. However, I feel I should note my moderately good news.

The Man and I finally talked and the following occurred:

he said he had been monogamous since we have been together, he was depressed about having to tell the other girl as he had been seeing her casually for about a year and that had not been in contact with her since I asked him about all of this. He said he was bad at this sort of thing generally and had avoided it in the past as he had always been the dumpee rather than the dumper. He said he felt a bit as if I was pressuring him although he knew that made no sense as he thought I was more than entitled to expect him to deal with this;

he said I might have noticed that he had been a little stand-offish with me at times (yup I had). He said that this was because he had cared for me and fancied me a lot for a very long time and then a few years ago decided he had to stop thinking about me and put me out of his life and accept that nothing would happen. Recent developments had left him a bit stunned and he was still trying to get his mind around accommodating what was happening. He said that normally this should be easy, but that it wasn't yet and he just hadn't had time to process it all;

he said he was very stressed at work as everything he was doing each day was challenging, he wasn't sleeping much and he felt generally a bit unsettled which didn't help;

he had overcompensated for a very bad breakup by closing himself off and restricting his emotions, and he needed to let go again and open up;

he said he cared for me, I shouldn't doubt his feelings, he wasn't using me and I didn't have to do anything except be fabulous, confident and happy, not worry or be jealous and he would deal with his issues.

I told him I wasn't asking for any commitment in time and I didn't know what might happen in three or six months, but that right now I worried about trusting him. He told me that he wouldn't give me any reason not to trust him.

I think the poor lad is a tad scared and overwhelmed, and when it comes to the other girl he is being cowardly. Our timing has always been a bit odd, and so it is now too. I can however understand how he might be a bit confused, as I had been telling him I wasn't at all interested in a relationship even when he argued his case strenuously. It was a big deal for me to admit to myself that I was falling for him, so he is entitled to a bit of time.

So what can a girl do. I really really do care for him so I am going to take him on face value, treat him well, expect the same from him, respect that he has been honest with me about his feelings and just take things as they come. The best part might be simply that I can just love him and that makes me feel good. I'm not talking that simpering, spoil him rotten and cook for him sort of stuff. I am after all a feminist who deserves a good deal from her man and sets her standards high. But I do care for him so I think I will just enjoy showing him that. I suggested a weekend away where we could sleep in, kiss and um er..., read the weekend papers, talk, not talk, laze around and just relax and be together to get used to all of this. He certainly agreed to that.

Now, on a more important topic, I checked into turtle ownership. I had visions of coming home at the end of a busy day to see little Skipperdee the turtle, his or her little neck poking out in anticipation. I could see myself polishing his or her shell whilst downing my gin and tonic. Skipperdee and I would grow old together, and he or she would seem to acquire a Yoda-like wise glance, which I would place great store in. I did foresee there could be problems if I stood on Skipperdee with high heels on, but it turns out that would be the least of my issues.

According to the good folks at http://www.petturtle.com/, "Too many people buy turtles for the novelty effect, and end up neglecting them." I would need a turtle tank of at least 40 gallons with both a land and a water area, and with the ability to change the temperature between day and night. Skipperdee would need spring water rather than tap water, and would also need a basking lamp (don't we all need one of those!). I would be advised not to "take the turtle out of its tank to show it off or play with it. These sudden changes in temperature can affect the immune system of reptiles, since they are cold-blooded animals and take longer to adjust to the changes. " Not quite sure how that fits with the requirement to "stay attentive to your turtle's behavior, and take care of it as you would take care of any other pet." I guess hours of turtle gazing and no shell polishing would be required.

Suddenly, my fantasy life with Skipperdee was looking less rosy. A quick scan of the photos of turtle people turned me off completely:

So, Skipperdee and I are not to be.

On another entirely unrelated note, our new quasi-work experience student person who has seemed very shy came up to me today at work and told me she had to tell me just how much she loved my shoes. I am predicting great things for her!

Important questions the day after

2006-11-26T11:34:00.000+11:00

So the day after the State election in Victoria, we can all settle down to life as normal. The ALP won again, the Libs didn't get the swing they wanted and the Nats complained generally about the lot of country Victoria. After watching the coverage last night at a friend's gathering I do however have the following questions:

What is with the Premier's tie? And what is Terry Bracks wearing? It is hard to see here but it was most unflattering and she is normally quite stylish. It had horizontal rings of white and red around the lower arms making her look quite lopsided.

Has Robyn Baillieu had botox? She is on the left and her daughters Eleanor and Martha who are aged 12 and 16 respectively are to the left of Ted. Surely that cannot be her natural forehead.

Is it possible to take a good photo of the Nationals Leader Peter Ryan? I don't think so.

As for me I saw the Man last night but no time to talk so issues are not resolved. That is OK. He was going to come over but missed me. I called him up later and spoke to him for about 10 minutes, usual chit-chat and how he is particularly stressed at work and has been working silly hours at the moment on a very big project that has gone wrong in a number of ways. I didn't want to discuss issues over the phone so I will just have to be patient. In the meantime I have Eloise and my new shoes.

Things to do to keep your mind off your love life

2006-11-25T17:34:00.000+11:00

Well, my last post was a bit of a whinge about the actions of a particular gent (and thanks again to those who commented).

In order to keep my mind active this week so I would not obsess about when/if he would call I adopted a number of strategies. Gels and boys I can recommend the following:

Have a haircut. I love love love my hairdresser. I have had a 11 year relationship with him and followed him across salons. I would almost follow him to Sydney (well if I could afford it). The new do is really just a cut and a slight colour but it has put the bounce back into my step.
Plan how to vote . I voted today in the State Election and enjoyed it. I see it as a right but also as an important privilege not to be wasted. After all, Emily Davidson did not throw herself under the King's horse at the Derby or Christabel Pankhurst endure forcefeeding just so woman today could ignore their civic role. I secretly blessed Emily and all the Suffragettes as I cast my votes today. I also took a long time as I worked out who to put last in my Upper House vote as a modern day Suffragette can never vote above the line.
Buy a new blusher(if applicable). When I see the Man I plan to look ravishing and ravishable, as if I have plenty of options and he better realise how damn lucky he could be. (Of course buying NARS "Orgasm" might be making the link a little too obvious but really I do wear that colour and it really does suit me. He doesn't need to know the name of my blush but I will!)
Organise a gym assessment. This has been on my to do list for months. I went today and it wasn't as bad as I thought it might be. The girl at the gym was annoying perky and fit (bet she was always the first to be picked for sports teams at school while Ms Batville was the one that the two most popular kids fought over so they would not have to pick her). However, there were no calipers, just a scale thing and while my body fat is up, the BMI is still OK and the aerobic fitness was just within range.
Buy shoes (again as applicable). OK so this will not be a surprise to Honeybear and I'm not Craig. But two pairs were for work so that can be justified. The other [pair was just too too too adorable. And they were on sale so I saved $150 all up.
Treat yourself to a good book. I bought the 50th Anniversary almanac of Eloise. I adored this as a kid, after all who doesn't want to be six years old and live at The Plaza with a Nanny, a dog and a turtle. I now realise where I picked up the habit of exclaiming things three times "Nanny says she would rawther I didn't talk talk talk all the time. She always says everything three times like Eloise you cawn't cawn't cawn't. Sometimes I hit her on the ankle with a tassle. She is my mostly companion....Oooooooooo I just love Nanny I absolutely do". After reading this I decided that I really want want want to own a turtle called Skipperdee who needs his ears braided so he will not get a rash and who eats raisins. I may even go on line soon and research turtle ownership.

As I am seeing him tonight I am hoping things will go well. If not I will come home quick smart and watch Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn in Charade. Or maybe almost as good I will check out Anthony Green's political analysis on the ABC- gotta love the thinking woman's nerd. Anyway, my motto tonight is that a woman always needs a Plan B...and maybe also a turtle.

Hope you have a lovely lovely lovely weekend!

And she falls crashing from her cloud

2006-11-20T08:02:00.000+11:00

So... this new man and I have been seeing one another for a little while. We have known one another socially for several years and I have previously told him I wasn't interested in anything more than friendship. His heart was broken during this time and he has been dating up a storm with all sorts of women. We would catch up as friends every so often, more so often the last few months. Over time my feelings changed and we have moved from weekly dinners to weekly dinners with kissing and now things are more intimate. I have fallen really really hard and have had to catch myself as I wander around grinning in a blissful state. No one else knows. We decided not to tell our few mutual friends as it might have got a little weird early on, and they would have made this a really big deal.

So... a few weeks ago as things got more intimate Ms Batville, starry-eyed and very happy, thought she should at least tell the man that she was very happy and that her feelings had changed. Normally I would play it cooler than that but I thought some reassurance for him was a good idea. He responded that he was glad to hear it, that he wanted to take it slowly and we should keep it quiet for now, and that he had been seeing someone else casually but that he would end that although it would be messy.

So ... last night after a lovely day together I realised that he was still in contact with a woman. He seems to take hours/a day to respond to my SMS's but I'm pretty sure he was checking out her messages and replying quickly. I don't know that he is still sleeping with her but I'd have to be stupid not to think that was a likely proposition.

So ... that was the point when I fell to earth with a thud. Rather than get too emotional I tried to be calm and firm. I asked him whether he had ended it and he said it was hard to unravel. I told him I deserved better than that and that I didn't want to be the jealous type. I said I wasn't going to compete with someone else but I wasn't going to share him so he needed to make his mind up. I told him I didn't want him to be with me because of some sort of obligation because we have been friends. He responded that it wasn't an obligation, I did deserve better and that he didn't want me to think it was competition. He said that it was going to be messy and there would be hurt but he would attend to it. I told him that I wouldn't bring it up again unless I had to but he should tell me when he had ended it and that he should attend to it soon.

My thoughts:

I don't know if I can trust him. I had always worried about this and now I am in a quandary.
I think I have made it too easy for him. He knows I am very keen and there is not a whole lot of mystery about me when we have been friends for a while and are now sleeping together. Maybe I played this all wrong. I seem to be making the effort now and he gets to have his cake and eat it too.
I don't understand men, or at least this one. Maybe he is scared because I have rejected him in the past. Maybe he is scared because he has had his heart broken and we have always been such good friends that this could end up being a big deal. Or maybe he didn't care for me as a person once we slept together.
I think he might be weak but I don't want to have to make excuses for his behaviour.
I deserve better than this.
I had thought that this relationship might just be on the way to being perfect and that I might have finally found someone I could really end up truly loving. A few months ago I despaired of ever loving and being loved again and now I think I might end up back there.

So ... my plan of action.

Let him call me and chase me a bit.
In a week or so I will ask him if he has finished it.
If he has I will tell him that I don't know if I can trust him and I will be wary so he better know what he wants and he better treat me well.
If he hasn't I will tell him that I deserve better, that we seem to have different levels of respect for one another and that if he really wants to see me he then this wouldn't be an issue. Then I think I will walk away and tell him that if he changes his mind he knows how to contact me. God knows if he would and maybe I would be an idiot to consider it. At least I know that I can't go on if he doesn't have the courage or compassion to put an end to this current situation.

Just typing this out makes me feel a bit better even though I am typing through tears. Maybe I was a fool to believe in the first place and it is better to be a cynical single with a good group of friends than a naive idiot who gets duped. Maybe love is something that happens for only a lucky few.

It can only be a matter of days

2006-11-19T10:42:00.000+11:00

Wayne Swan has said that Kim Beazley will "absolutely" be the leader of the ALP at the next election. As any footy coach knows, this is the kiss of death.

I'm unsure what I think about this. I was embarrassed by Beazley's Karl Rove/Rove McManus gaffe but this seems to be an odd thing to be the straw that broke the camel's back. I quite like what I have seen of Kevin Rudd, but he does seem a little colourless (maybe that is just his complexion).

What I really want is a strong opposition and some excitement back in Australian politics. There seems to be so many people I meet who want someone to really challenge Howard, and even some Liberal voters think that a stronger opposition would mean a better government. I'm not sure Beazley will ever be able to do this. He just can't seem to get "lift off" on any issue.

On the other hand, another change for the ALP might lead to that awful honeymoon period from journos where Rudd can do no wrong, followed by a big let down and a period of disillusionment.

It looks like being an interesting few weeks.

The makings of a great concert

2006-11-19T10:12:00.000+11:00

Saw U2 last night and it was fantastic. They were great and seemed to enjoy themselves, the crowd were into it, the sound was good and even poor old maligned Telstra Dome more than lived up to the task.

So, what makes a U2 concert so great. How about this:

Appropriate local references. Unlike Kayne West with his hackneyed "Melbourne (pronounced "bourrrrnnne") is the best crowd ever", Bono got it just right. A verse about Melbourne and its suburbs in Beautiful Day and his imploring for the crowd from the "fashionable city" to dance got the right response. We even got a didgeridoo.

Respect for the audience. We were thanked for waiting for them after their March shows were postponed. The lucky audience members who made it on stage were treated with respect and good humour. Bono's political segments assume a level of intelligence and understanding from the audience and don't seem to be to be sermonising or posturing.

Respect for music. Their habit of inserting snippets of other songs Rock the Casbah, Highway to Hell and Sgt Peppers and the thank you to Joe Strummer marks U2 out as fellow music fans, just like their audience.

Great songs played well in a great set list. The pace was good. It never slowed down too much, but at the same time the pace varied allowing us to relax at times.

Some content. Bono's pleas for Africa, the prayer for our troops to return home safely and a prayer for the Bali bombing victims are political without being too divisive. Personally I wouldn't mind if he went further, but he knows not to alienate his audience and I guess the size of the audience is the thing that gives him the clout to meet with politicians. He comes across as eloquent and heartfelt and I think it adds enormously to the concert rather than being distracting.

Amazing audio-visuals. The first encore featured two songs from Achtung Baby and we had Zooroopa style visuals. I was so entranced with the messages during The Fly ("Reclaim your space it belongs to you", "The answer is love") that I had tears in my eyes.

Great fans. U2 fans in the General Admission area I was in were cheery and fun. When a pregnant woman near us got too hot, everyone cleared the way to make sure she got out and got some air. Complete strangers chatted together before the show and then sang together and smiled at each other across heads.

Thank yous to their team. Bono thanked Edge and his wife Morleigh (whose young daughter's leukemia was apparently the reason for the postponement) and the tour promoters Michael Coppell.

Grins. Even Larry Mullen Jnr was grinning. They were happy and enjoying themselves and it showed.

All in all a great night and one of the best concerts I've seen. An extra 500 tickets for tonight go on sale this morning ...hmmm, am tempted.

And yes, The Edge looked particularly fine. He was very bouncy and active, and his playing was great. I may have been the only person amongst 65,000 odd who finds him so sexy (ignoring the presence of his wife). Luckily I have another fine man to keep me distracted at the moment so I can get over my rock star crush.

Photos by matthias muehlbradt - see u2-vertigo-tour.com.

Getting a bit of rattle and hum

2006-11-18T13:12:00.000+11:00

At the end of a frantic week, full of travel, endless meetings and bad coffee it is wonderful to sleep in. It is even better to wake up and realise that you are off to see U2 with a group of close friends tonight.

I love to see live music and I made a decision a few years ago that I was going to make a concerted effort to see more concerts rather than regret not getting organised. It is sad though as too often I am disappointed by half-hearted performances or artists who just stand there sing and then leave. I love a bit of banter and when bands show some energy. I've seen U2 a few times and have never been disappointed. Even on their "off" nights they still play with passion.

Few others that I have seen have been so enjoyable. The Cat Empire play a great show and I was blown away by Franz Ferdinard earlier this year. I always enjoy Paul Kelly as he is such a intelligent and funny bloke as well as a great musician. The worst show I ever saw was one of the many Split Enz reunions where there was absolutely no chemistry between the band and no interaction with the audience. I was checking my watch waiting for it to end.

I'm hoping for a good one tonight. A bunch of us are getting there (moderately) early to get a decent position. Unlike our earlier days when we could endure queuing and standing, this time we are going to conserve our energy. There will be nibbles for us while we lounge around on the ground and wait. The Saturday papers will be read, and there will generally be a air of relaxed nonchalance. I am tasked with bringing the Haighs Chocolates. I think we are officially getting old!

For those going, enjoy the concert!

Hello Hello

2006-11-16T15:18:00.000+11:00

Phew! Have been (and still am) frantically busy. I've been travelling in and out of Batville and generally doing too much so have neglected this poor little blog. Am now back in the blogosphere and looking forward to catching up on all those lovely posts out there. Will generally get back in the swing of things soon.

Hope life is treating you well, and that those in my vicinty have recovered from the hail and snow that afflicted our little city yesterday. Can you believe we are two weeks out from summer?

Only two sleeps till I see U2!

Having faith in our crime fighters

2006-11-07T05:07:00.000+11:00

Well, this little story in the Age is comforting. The story focuses on the request by the "Universal Tube & Rollform Equipment Corporation" for YouTube to either stop using that domain name, or to assist in setting up a new one to replace utube.com. Seems the poor pipe manufacturers are being inundated with emails they don't want. Fair enough, just another news report you might say.

The disturbing bit is the part relating to the Sexual Crimes Squad. One Detective Senior Sergeant who apparently had the "right intention" emailed You Tube to ask them to remove footage taken from a DVD that relates to a rape investigation. Except that the Detective Senior Sergeant emailed the wrong address.

OK, I can understand how amateur pornographers and people who tape things for Funniest Video Shows could make that mistake and get utube.com mixed up with youtube.colm, but the Sexual Crimes Squad?

Can you imagine the conversation:

Cop 1:"Hey, mate can you email that tube site and ask them to take it off"

Cop 2:"Yeah sure. Hey how do you spell it?"

Cop 1:"I dunno"

Cop 2:"Does u-t-u-b-e.com sound about right?"

Cop 1:"Yeah, she'll be right mate"

Give me Marita Hargitay any day.

10 things you won't know about me

2006-11-06T19:07:00.000+11:00

OK so here goes - Inspired by hat seeks home, I'm not Craig and snoskred, here is ten things that you won't know about me:

When I was a little thing I used to walk on tip toes so much that my worried mother took me to the doctor to have me checked out.
My favourite colour is purple.
I love children, but I'm not sure I can or will ever have the chance to have any of my own so make do by being a good friend to other people's kids.
I like my calfs and my ankles. I do a good ankle.
I can get ready to go out really quickly - if necessary I can shower, iron my clothes, style my hair and apply liquid eyeliner (degree of difficulty 8.9) in under 15 minutes.
I like art deco furniture, but I don't like the musty smell of antiques, so I don't really own any.
I can be very cynical, and my Mum worries that I am becoming "hard".
I aspire to be truthful in my life, with my friends, colleagues and family, and most importantly with myself. I have failed at this in the past but I think I am much better at it now.
If I go more than two days without listening to music that I like, I find myself getting really cranky.
I am addicted to Vegemite.

So if you are reading this, fess up and tell us something about yourself.

Worst ever songs to have stuck in your head

2006-11-06T18:56:00.001+11:00

At the moment I have two: Joelene by Dolly Parton and It's the Hard Knock Life from the Annie soundtrack.

Am stuck in inner audio hell.

Procrastination part 1

2006-11-03T19:28:00.000+11:00

In honour of Why do I do it? I thought I should return her post on procrastination.

I was just thinking about this as I worked out what to wear. Hours to date - 1. Outfits tried on - 5. Do I wear a skirt? Pants? Does that white top make the pesky few extra kilos a bit more obvious? Can I wear new shoes or will they hurt to much?

So what does Ms Batville do? Rather than make a decision she gets online and posts about it. That won't get the eyelashes curled as I'm sure someone used to say.

Tell me your top 5 procrastination techniques. I bet I can beat them all!

(And may your horse win the Derby tomorrow)

When it is all new

2006-11-01T20:17:00.000+11:00

I am at that delightful time in a lass's life where she and a man spend their time kissing. In some ways it is an old relationship but the kissing thing is new and I must say the man in question is very skilled at the art. (OK promise not to nauseate you any further).

This is all quite refreshing for a cynic like me who had almost given up on the relationship thing and who had certainly forgot how nice hours of kissing can be. I had thought I couldn't see him in that way but then one day a while ago he made an offhand remark about something that seemed of no consequence and it jolted me in a way I did not expect. So things seem great and I mostly can't stop grinning.

But still, the insecurities surface. No reply to a text or "what did he mean by that?" and I suddenly become worrisome. Why can't I just relax and enjoy it? Maybe despite myself I am one of those slightly obsessive neurotic types that I pity.

One good thing - he has no idea. I have my pride for the moment at least.

And another good thing - we are catching up this weekend for more kissing....

And in startling news just to hand

2006-10-29T22:29:00.000+11:00

The Age is reporting that real estate agents are still underquoting.

This is almost as astonishing as the reports in The Age earlier the week that pregnant women suffer discrimination at work and that "Babies still put a bump in women's career paths."

What next? Stories that tell us "Aboriginal people are discriminated against", "Shane Warne is not monogamous" or "Many Australians are actually racist."

Picking up in a literary sense

2006-10-28T10:12:00.000+10:00

I can verily report that Mr Tulk cafe at the State Library of Victoria does a very good breakfast. It also has nice big tables so you can spread out and read the paper or a novel at ease. The staff are lovely and the ambiance is great. It also has a very high proportion of seemingly intelligent and lovely men who sound like Gregory Peck.

In winter they all seemed to be wearing jeans and black turtlenecks and Ms Batville has always been partial to a black turtleneck. I feared that if I went back in summer they would have white legs sticking out of shorts festooned with big ugly Jesus sandals (and obviously footwear is a big thing for me at the moment). I am glad to report that my fears were unfounded and there was nary a sad sandal in site.

So girls (or boys) , if you want to check out the talent, head down to Mr Tulk, order the nice toast thing and see what I mean.

If you don't meet a nice man to have your coffee with, you can always go and sit in the La Trobe reading room, look up at the dome, open up a book and all will seem well with the world.

Mmmm...

2006-10-27T20:04:00.000+10:00

I recieved emails from three different friends today regarding a story in The Age that Andy Taylor has left Duran Duran. Sad that they thought they should email me. Possibly worse that I had already fully researched the story before their emails arrived.

I am forming a society for the preservation of nice footwear

2006-10-23T19:57:00.000+10:00

Today as I was driving along in city I was indulging in that well-known female habit of checking out other women and assessing their clothing/look/hair etc. I was feeling charitable, and was delighted to spot a beautiful black velvet suit jacket with slim white piping, matched with a very nicely tailored grey frock. The wearer would have been late 20s, well groomed hair and walking along jauntily looking quite sweet indeed "How nice" I thought to myself, before I gazed down in horror to the footwear.

Light blue havaianas.

I have whinged before about the whole thongs with a suit thing, but now I have had enough! I may be old-fashioned but I belong to the suit=work, thongs=beach school of dressing. Enough crimes against fashion I say. From now on I will accost such types and shriek loudly at them until they march into Nine West and get themselves a nice pair of proper shoes.

I knew exercise was bad for you

2006-10-21T13:00:00.000+10:00

Ha! After my smug post about my Sunday walk around the Tan I can verily report that I have hurt my leg and can't walk properly. Yes indeedy. And after walking at a pace where I was overtaken by small children on the Anderson Street hill.

The physio has told me to stay out of heels (blasphemous talk), to do stretching exercises, to ice my lower leg and to keep coming back for visits. In the meantime it actually hurts like hell.

Am seriously tempted to revert my formerly slothlike gluttonous state. Sure the clothes were a tad tight tight and walking up stairs left me puffed, but at least I wasn't in pain.

A weekend of reading, using copious quantities of ice (for leg and for gin) and grumbling to myself awaits.

At the risk of turning this into a purely political blog...

2006-10-19T17:53:00.000+10:00

...or of further upsetting my lovely and sensible fellow bloggers (see last post) has anyone see the article by Neil Mitchell in today's Herald Sun ?

Apparently the racist attack on a Jewish man and his children in Caulfield last week by a bunch of footy players was "not all bad news" because Neil has surmised:

Anybody could have been the target of this - "Jew, Muslim, Aboriginal, Asian, Greek, Italian". Apparently women can also be the target of yobbos.
While it was "reasonable" for the victim to object to being called a "f--- Jew " while hearing the cheer "go Nazis" we should ask if it was reasonable for him to approach the bus the players were travelling in. Neil thinks that this escalated the "clash from ugly to violent". The "good news" is that the decision to approach the bus turned out to be OK because it another person intervened. This person we are told was "not a Jew" but was "sufficiently outraged to pursue the bus". A few others helped as well and that, according to Neil, was a "statement of deceny because these people identified as unacceptable the actions of a few idiots". (Obviously without their actions, readers of the Herald Sun would have been unable to make this judgement for themselves).
The President of the Ocean Grove Football Club has been "decent and sensible" because he was appalled at what happened and hoped that those involved would meet the victim and apologise to him, and that they would visit the Holocaust Museum.
Other "average Australians" have also expressed their "outrage and committement to decency"

In conclusion, Neil tells us that the victim has been exposed to a "snapshot of Australia:we have a few yobbos, a smattering of racism, a good deal of decency, a mix of cultures, dashes of prejudice, an underlying base of fairness, an edge of danger with our blokey culture, and too much fondness for too much alcohol."

Well, I feel better.

Anyone else want to stalk the Ocean Grove Football Club next year. We can turn up to their matches, laugh at their physical appearance and crack jokes about the deaths on the Melbourne-Geelong Road and the Pyramid Bank collapse. Let's make sure we do it in full view of their children as well, for good measure.

I need a gin.

Spot the inconsistency

2006-10-15T22:08:00.000+10:00

It is five years since the Siev X sank with the loss of 353 asylum seekers. On Friday the Age published this photo of Hazam Al Rowaimi who lost his mother, wife and children when the boat sank off Australian waters . At the time Australia's then Immigration Minister, then Defence Minister and the Prime Minister John Howard announced that a number of children on the vessel had been thrown overboard. This was later found to be untrue, but not before it was an issue at an election which John Howard was returned to power.

Apparently a Commonwealth Government Agency have stopped plans for a memorial in Canberra on the basis that it can't be erected until 10 years after the event.

It has been six weeks since Steve Irwin died. Apparently our Prime Minister John Howard has said he would be holding discussions soon about a permanent memorial as "I certainly know that the people want it and we've had some very good suggestions and I hope we can come up with a sensible proposal."

Ms Batville could single-handledly end the drought

2006-10-15T12:56:00.000+10:00

What a day of accomplishment for Ms Batville. This time last week I was getting out of bed (for the second time - having retired back to bed after my initial effort of eating breakfast and reading the papers).

This morning I have already devoured the papers, walked around the Tan and done the supermarket shopping. Ms Batville is not a natural exerciser so this constituted my fifth ever walk around the Tan, and the second in three weeks. I was a slow time of 40 minutes all the way around, but I made it up the Anderson Street Hill in better form than last time. Sure small children passed me, but hey, it is a start.

The strange thing is that everytime I have walked the Tan it starts raining just as I near the end. And not just a drizzle, rather a full on genuine "we need rain like this" rain. The sort of rain you get when you decide to wash the curtains or rugs and leave them on the line to dry out.

From now on I will attempt to walk the Tan twice a week, to the point where I can actually run the damn thing. This will hopefully help me lose those pesky extra few kilos, and will be my one woman effort to help Victoria's farmers by ending the drought.

PS - If you were on the Tan this morn and saw someone walking along grinning inanely to themselves, that was me. Most unexpectedly Murray Head's "One night in Bangkok" popped up on my iPod, and I was amused to think how the hell it snuck on there.

Its hot isn't it

2006-10-12T21:07:00.000+10:00

Bad things about very hot and windy days in Batville and the rest of Victoria in October:

Body Odour on the tram;
Body Odour in lifts;
Girls wearing thongs with their suits in the city;
Toenails in thongs with dodgy half-applied half-worn toenail polish;
People saying "Its hot isn't it"
Bushfires (already!);
Further drought for farmers;
Wind blowing sand from tram tracks into your eyes
Increased likelihood of Stage 2 water restrictions;
Coming home to a hot house;
Finding out you haven't quite lost those pesky few kilos that you can cover up in your winter and autumn clothes.

Good things about very hot and windy days in Batville and the rest of Victoria in October:

Having a cold beer when you get home from work.

Stupid tips Part 1

2006-10-10T19:12:00.001+10:00

I have a very small garden which over the last few years I have to come to love. I potter about and lose all track of time. I also have a pair of green and pink check gumboots which I adore so will welcome any excuse to wear them. At the end of a hard afternoon in the garden I can sit in my gumboots, downing a restorative cocktail and I don't have a care in the world.

The most frustrating thing about gardening is that it usually looks ragged and half-eaten due to a never-ending plague of snails. I've tried leaving out beer which is supposed to encourage them to some sort of drunken suicide but have never found this to work. I also realised once that this technique has too many parallels with young men and their first cars so it makes me uneasy (I know - possibly an odd reaction). So instead I bait them and ever so often I go on a rampage, hunt them out and crush them to death. I can pretend they are some of the arrogant idiots I occasionally have to work with. Even more satisfying is to apply salt to them and watch them foam up and die but this takes planning (after all who walks around with salt on them). I was reading a gardening book recently that suggested this was a cruel practice and a more humane way to dispose of snails was to put them in a plastic bag and then into the freezer so they could "fall asleep gently". WHAT? They are snails not endangered cute baby seals. As my dear old Grandad would say "What a load of rot!"

I am obviously not a very humane gardener. I will however continue on my search for appropriate and effective snail eradication techniques.

Differences between Melbourne and Sydney

2006-10-08T15:14:00.000+10:00

Now don't get me wrong - I like Sydney a lot and don't buy into the whole city-bashing rivalry thing. I don't choose to live there being more of a Batville girl myself, but I appreciate the city.

Interesting though the top news stories currently at The Age v The Sydney Morning Herald . The Age's most viewed story is Snaps show Mars rover on brink of discovery with nice photo of a crater photographed by NASA. The SMH's most popular story is entitled Bras keep abreast and tells a story about how Berlei have conducted a survey and discovering that Australian women's breasts are getting larger.

Things you may not want to know about Australia's former first lady

2006-10-07T13:02:00.000+10:00

Since praising the wonderful Margaret Whitlam a few weeks back I have contemplated buying the new biography of her.

I happened upon a story about the book in a copy of the Australian Women's Weekly which is not my normal reading pleasure. Anyway you can trust the Weekly for a nice, non-controversial story. Imagine my surprise when I happened upon the following paragraph:

Certainly, a less secure person than Margaret would have stepped back from revealing some of the more intimate truths of a 64-year marriage - whether, for instance, she was able to have an orgasm on her honeymoon; whether Gough was, in fact, a good lover; and whether she ever fancied another man. On all three counts the answer is a resounding, "Yes".

Well, my giddy Aunt. This is not the sort of thing you expect in the Weekly! And Margaret! Gough! Their honeymoon! Crikey!

Now we know there might be more in that famous Nicholson Cartoon was after an earthquake during the Whitlam's trip to China in 75.

But wait there is more in the Weekly:

Not only was Gough a good lover, he actually read her poems by
Keats, Shelley and Byron when they were in bed together. "I suppose you'd call
it foreplay and I just thought it was lovely".

Gough you ole romantic devil you. Surely even die-hard Lib women would read that in envy. Bet Malcolm never did that for Tammy, and I'm damn sure John Howard doesn't...sorry can't finish this sentence. Will go and wash my mouth out.

Discoveries

2006-10-07T12:42:00.000+10:00

I am a fan of old Hollywood films and love a good old-fashioned dish-the-dirt Hollywood biography, particularly if it is written by or about an actor or actress who is largely forgotten about today.

Sure it is a strange and unfashionable habit that is possibly more suited to a gay man or a sad old bloke with a bad toupee (hello Bill Collins) but what can I say - I love the old goss. Even since I read Evelyn Keye's autobiography to escape the horror of a caravan park holiday when I was twelve I had enjoyed this guilty pleasure. Poor old Evelyn called her book Scarlett O'Hara's younger sister for all those in the bookstore who asked the question "Who?"

I had reason to leave Batville this week and travel to the Sticks. One compensation of country travel is the discoveries you can make in second hand bookstores. Imagine my excitement at the following purchases which added up to a grand total of $14.

I have no idea why Stewart Grainger has called his autobiography "Sparks fly upwards" but I am sure I can report on this soon. Strangely if you had asked me last week what I knew about him I would have said bugger all really but I would have guessed that he was married to Jean Simmons (the actress, not the lead singer of KISS). Scanning the book I was able to confirm this. Why did I know this? How did this piece of truly useless information stick in my brain when I can't remember to buy coffee when I run out? Very odd.

As for the other book I have always liked Sheilah Graham even since I saw the movie they made about her and F Scott Fitzgerald Beloved Infidel. Gregory Peck played Fitzgerald very unconvincgly but Deborah Kerr was wonderful in her kind English way as Sheliah.

A weekend of reading bliss awaits.

No Roulettes, but plenty of fun (but not if you are a Swans supporter)

2006-10-07T12:21:00.000+10:00

Well the AFL Grand Final has come and gone. I am devasted to report that there was no Ms Batville viewing of the RAAF Roulettes which is so sad I have taken a whole week to recover. Almost as bad was that John Paul Young did not sing "Love is in the Air" instead choosing "Yesterday's Heroes" which was a very strange choice given he was sharing a stage with Brian Mannix.

Highlight of the pre-game entertainment was not Irene Cara although she tried hard, but rather Sean Kelly (Models) snarling his way through "I hear motion". I had a HUGE crush on that man in 1986 and it haunts me still. Why Wendy Matthews left him is beyond me. He still has that rock star charisma, unlike his fellow band-mate poor old James Freud who is looking a tad corpulent these days.

Commiserations for all those Sydney fans. A one point is a hard thing to stomach. Always sad to see the post-game heartbreak, it is usually the closest thing some Australian men come to letting out their emotions. Thanks anyway for pouring your tourist dollars into Melbourne when nursing your thoughts over a few beers.

It is that one day in September...

2006-09-30T08:31:00.000+10:00

So it is Grand Final day in Melbourne and there is that fever in the air (which is as yet imperceptible to me as I haven't left the house). My day will start soon with a post-hangover breakfast somewhere where I don't have to be nice to anyone, followeed by a short period of "walking in the fresh air" recovery and then catching up with a friend who is borrowing stuff from me for a big GF BBQ. I'll drop into said BBQ for a short time and then onto the 'G. According to the AFL, the day will go something like this:

10am TAC Cup Grand Final (Ms Batvillle care factor of -1)
12.50am Red Berets parachute into MCG, delivering match-day footballs (Whatever)
1pm Teams warm-up (Will be entering the ground about now)
1.25pm Irene Cara performs What a Feeling (How embarrassing for her - bet she never thought her career would take her to this place)
1.29pm Australian Idol finalists perform Waltzing Matilda (Love the song esp when performed at big public gatherings but not sure about Idol - personally would prefer Hugh Jackman, in tight pans, shirtless etc etc - you get the idea)
(Surely the RAAF Roulettes have to appear about now - I didn't pay $80 for a ticket to actually watch two non-Victorian clubs play if the Roulettes don't appear)
1.36pm Motorcade of AFL greats, retirees and 2006 award winners as the Young Divas perform You’re the Inspiration (Song sounds awful but love this bit - clap on the old gents of yesterday and laugh as some recently retired bogans get a huge clap while they silently thank their club for paying out their sexual haharassment claims so they can start their landscaping business unencumbered)
1.42pm Club songs performed by Melbourne Gospel Choir (Thank god we don't have to listen to that Port Power song this year - would slit my wrists)
1.46pm Australian rock legends perform medley of hits (OMG - John Paul Young - YAH, YAH, YAH. Ms Batville will sing heartily along to Up there Cazaly to prove she is a real Victorian!)
2.16pm Umpires enter the arena (Goldspink is umpiring - WTF?)
2.27pm Australian rock legends perform Advance Australia Fair (Love this bit)
2.28pm Coin toss
2.30pm 2006 Toyota AFL Grand Final (Hope it is a good one - if not will nick off early and go back to the BBQ)

Hope your team wins and that you have a good one.

Ms Batville - slowly resuming normal transmission

2006-09-28T19:47:00.000+10:00

Yah - my mojo seems to be returning. Not to the point where I actually accomplished much today but at least I seem to be able to contemplate achieving something tomorrow. The little black rain cloud has moved on. We're not quite in full sun yet, more like overcast with moments of sunniness.

So, in that vein a list of things that made Ms Batville happy today:

A postcard from a friend in Boston of a very elegant photo of Jackie circa 1962 - apparently he saw it and thought it resembled me - Wow.
Larry Mullen Jnr's treatment of autograph scalpers courtesy of Scatter - God I love U2.
Pulling up next to a wanker in a sportscar at lights a mere 200 metres after he tried to run me off the road doing some ridiculous speed. Even better - when the light changed, my little rust box took off and he ... stalled. Hah!
Buying some Green Tea perfume at Elizabeth Arden and getting quite a good GWP (Gift with Purchase)
Margaret Whitlam's comments about Janette Howard. Good old Margaret - bless her. My respect for Gough grows ever time I think about his choice of wife.
Knowing that tomorrow is end of the month at work, and despite my lethargy, my group will still have met our targets.
Having AFL Grand Final tickets. OK so I don't follow either team (but I am an AFL member so am justified in having a ticket) but I do love a good GF and I simply love love love the bit where the RAAF Roulettes swoop down over the 'G and scare the bejusus out of everyone. I also adore the way that the singing of our national anthem degenerates in the last four seconds amongst a very bloky chorus of "Go Swans/Go Weagles/Go Wirra/ Go Goodey etc".
Seeing that a few new people checked out my poor little neglected blog and stayed for more than 10 seconds - WOOHOO. So to them I say - come back - and - have a great weekend. May your team win the footy.

How I feel right now

2006-09-27T21:03:00.000+10:00

Also known as how to waste half an hour on line

All dressed up but nowhere to go. My personal little rain cloud seems to be following me around.

(One good thing - all this time on line means I can't be bothered to cook. A Ms Batville weight loss tip - don't try this one at home kiddies.)

Disarming

2006-09-27T20:21:00.000+10:00

I had a meeting today for a work with a man who I met once before, about a month ago for an hour. About half an hour into this second meeting with him I realised that he only had one arm. He was dressed in a suit which just sort of hung on one side.

How did I not notice this before? Very disconcerting to think I am that vague.

If only

2006-09-27T08:07:00.000+10:00

Listening to News Radio (as one does when travelling home from another fruitless day in the office) I swear I heard a John Howard malapropism. Our PM declared that he couldn't take action over something because the Government would not go "open splatter". Personally I would welcome a bit of open splatter in Australian politics right now - would amp up the interest level.

Why did I get out of bed?

2006-09-25T19:31:00.000+10:00

I have my doubts that anyone will read this but if you are - be prepared for whiny whinge (that is Australian for a complaining diatribe).

Another long day at work and nothing much achieved. It is not as though I don't have work to do. Some of it is even interesting - I just can't get motivated.

I am great at the meetings and the gabbing. For some reason I just can't bring myself to start putting it down on paper as I am required to do. Some years ago I put this down to a fear that my writing was not that great, but I know now that my writing is fine (comparatively), my reasoning is fine and the end product (when I get around to it) is damn good.

But instead of starting the work I have to do, I found myself having coffees, checking out the net, wandering around and applying for a new credit card online. The really stupid thing about all of this is that for the first time since I started work I am facing the prospect that if I can't do a better job and up my game I may have to get another job. I am so damn specialised I have no idea what else I could do or what else to do.

So, chances are I will have another sleepless night, leaving to a dreary day where I am too tired to concentrate properly so yet another deadline will slip by and I will be in even more strife. I really need to snap out of this and get motivated. The question for me is how?

Is this in fact the same person?

2006-09-20T19:46:00.000+10:00

One of these men is allegedly Tony Burke, ALP member for Watson and shadow Minister for Immigration. The other is supposedly Andrew Gaze, former Olympian and Australia basketball superstar. Are they in fact the same person? Have they been seen in the same place at the same time?

More importantly, which one would you pick to take out Amanda Vanstone?

Cooking fantasies

2006-09-19T22:50:00.000+10:00

I spent half an hour exploring Ban Ban Homewares in Victoria Street, Abbotsford this week. It is an Asian cookware store, with shelf upon shelf of cheap items. There is a whole section devoted horrible plastic things, you know, the kind that will discolour within a few weeks of use. The store attendants seemed to spend the whole time I was in there screeching violently at one another. Of course I don't speak their language so it is presumptious (and maybe gasp...culturally insensitive) of me to presume they were screeching. Nonetheless their tone was so intense that I hesitated to ask them questions such as "You see this lovely looking metal thing here, what does it actually do?"

I spent my time there in a bit of a daze, imagining myself as some sort of Kylie Kwong cook, with a whole kitchen full of interesting utensils, dazzling my friends with dinner parties. The reality is however that I have a tiny kitchen which is already crammed full, very modest cooking ability and I hardly ever host dinner parties. I also have an aversion to cooking any animal which resembles the creature it once was. As a result I'm great with mince and chicken breasts, but not much else. So after my flight of fancy, accompanied by background screeching, I left with a tiny purchase of six chinese soup soons - perfect for those not very frequent occasions when five friends join me for takeaway Asian soup! A bargain at 90c each, but not when you consider that it could be years and years before they get used (if ever).

Gasp. Does this photo make it justifiable?

2006-09-16T13:59:00.000+10:00

Well my dear little neglected blog - I love you.

I normally abhore the habit encouraged in the coffee shops of large chain bookstores of reading books or magazines that you have no intention of buying . The coffee is usually terrible, the food is overpriced and I hate to think that someone might later purchase a book with my crumbs in it.

I did however, overcome my moral objection yesterday when in Borders I spotted Clive Owen on the front of a US GQ. Ten minutes later I was enconsed in the mag, sipping a not great hot chocolate and eating a piece of so-so cheesecake. I might add it was a very very pleasant experience!

Yikes, do I give up on my principles that easily, just to gawk at photos of an extremely handsome British actor? Apparently, yes.

An insult to all Batvillians

2006-09-12T23:00:00.000+10:00

I live in an inner Melbourne suburb. I am female. I work in the CBD. I am originally of pale Anglo-Celtic stock. Ergo I wear a lot of black.

There are three supermarkets in and around my suburb. Two of them stock "Dynamo Dark Clothes Wash" which is perfect for keeping the dark side suitably muted. The one nearest to me does not. Why? They are all the same chain. Arguably the one nearest to me is also the most edgy or is at least closest to both the student housing and the clothes shops . However, if I want to preserve my blackness I must traipse to one of the other supermarkets.

Why this local anti-black bias? It is an outrage

Question - If Melbourne was nearly called Batville (and Batmania) is it correct to call Melbournians "batvillians" or "batvilliagers"?

Why blog?

2006-09-11T11:38:00.000+10:00

Why is it that a person suddenly feels the need to start a blog and (hopefully) share their thoughts with the world? Is it that they are lonely? In need of attention? Maybe in the middle of a busy world, in what seems to be a perfect job, surrounded by self-important folk, I need a space to be truly honest.

Seems to me that the older we get, and the more successful we are, the only time we are truly honest is when we are with kids. I don't have any of my own, but I am lucky enough to have two small friends with whom I can really be myself. The rest of the time I have to 'put on a face' - the "professional" face, the "boss" face, the "good daughter" face or the "god I hope I am hiding how bad this date is going" face.

So let me know - how honest can you really be in a blog? Do you self-edit? Does a fear of being identified limit what you say? Guidance for the newbie welcome....

Melbourne